Moving On?
by Andorian Ice Princess-AIP
Summary: Danny Reagan's life has been forever altered by a horrific accident. How will he move on? How can he help his boys move on? How will the three of them adjust to their new situation? Will they succeed? Can his family help or will Danny Reagan fall apart – for good? CHAP 16 up now
1. A Rush to Judgement?

**Title: Moving On?**  
 **Chapter 1 – A Rush to Judgement?**

 **Summary:** Danny Reagan's life has been forever altered by a horrific accident. How will he move on? How can he help his boys move on? How will the three of them adjust to their new situation? Will they succeed or will Danny Reagan fall apart – for good?

 **Disclaimer:** Everything from Blue Bloods belongs to CBS and well not me lol I only own my muse (Alice love her!) and the ideas and any OCs that might pop up (which in name are only coincidence if they match anyone reading and not intentional!)

 **A/N:** Okay so…yeah this was a tough outline to write and of course it's still evolving as the season progress. I want this to be canon – not AU so the basic plot of what is happening on the show will be used for this story but the rest will be ours (me and my dear muse Alice) and stuff you see in eppies will be woven into this. So…here we go!

* * *

 _ **May 28**_ _ **th**_

 _'I'm sorry Danny…Linda…she died. There was an accident. She was airlifting a patient and the helicopter crashed. It was a combination of the bad weather, the darkness and inclement weather. There were no survivors.'_

 _'What? No…she just texted me,' Danny insisted as he pulled his phone and looked at the text from his wife that told him she was going to be on an airlift transport for an elderly male patient and she'd tell him all about it later. But when he looked at the time he realized it was hours ago. 'But…this…this can't be…THIS CAN'T BE!'_

 _'I'm sorry. There was nothing we could do.'_

 _'Doc…no she…she can't be okay. She can't. She…we talked today…earlier today but…I need to see her. I need…my wife is okay…look I need to see her right now. NOW.'_

 _'Okay…come with me…'_

 _Danny entered the quiet room in the hospital morgue and felt his breath catch as he neared the gurney where his wife's body lifelessly lay._

 _Just as he neared her and gazed upon her pale, lifeless expression, her eyes opened and she uttered three words – 'help me Danny!'_

 _ **Present Day**_

"AHHHHH!" Danny gasped as his eyes snapped open at the nightmarish image and he awoke in a heated sweat. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed he had shared with his wife for a few weeks after their house had burnt down – purposely set ablaze by the Cartel as a warning for Danny not to pursue them – a warning he took seriously. He figured after that they'd just borrow some space in his father's home until they had found one that was just right and then move on.

However, that plan never came true. His wife's untimely death forced him to create an emotional shell around himself that he so far hadn't the courage or strength to break free from. Truth was…he didn't want to. He wanted to dwell in emotional obscurity and so far…he'd done a pretty good job; much to everyone else's chagrin.

Danny leaned over the small bedside table and pulled open a small drawer and retrieved a piece of beige cardstock and then looked at it with a teary gaze. He closed his eyes as the picture of Linda on the front of the funeral handout danced before his subconscious and tore into his heart as he was forced back into another tormented memory.

 _ **June 3**_ _ **rd**_

 _The skies of the day of the funeral were overcast and that seemed to fit the mood of the entire family – but for Danny the day wasn't dark enough. His soul was dark and after the funeral service for his beloved wife, which everyone said was beautiful, he just stood by her gravesite in the rain and stared at her tombstone with an anguished gaze._

 _Linda Reagan…wife, mother…died on May 28_ _th_ _…_

 _He didn't even realize he was soaked through to the bone until his father came to his side with an umbrella and coat and then mechanically turned him toward the waiting SUV._

 _'Can't go…'_

 _'We have to Danny. You're wet and shivering and cold. It's time to go now. You can come back tomorrow.'_

 _Danny just shook his head and clenched his fists as he got into the back of the SUV and offered his sons a blank expression._

 _'Can't believe mom's gone…' one of them whispered as both leaned on either side of their father's cold frame; looking for a bit of emotional solace. None would be forthcoming. And that would be detrimental to them all._

 _ **Present Day**_

"Why…why the hell didn't you…" Danny's voice caught as he squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head as he reminded himself that it wasn't Linda's fault that she was in that helicopter…it was his fault for working late and her trading her shift to the later one…for him!

 _'Linda Reagan died a hero in the line of duty when the helicopter she was in crashed into…'_

"Stop it! Stop…just stop it!" Danny hissed as his pounded one closed fist into the palm of the other one to try to get his emotions under control while in a private setting before he emerged into public. _Gotta be strong for the boys…gotta be strong…gotta be strong…_ his brain chanted over and over as he slowly pushed himself up and looked at his haggard reflection in the mirror and offered himself a small curse.

"There he is…" Henry greeted Danny with a smile and a mug of coffee.

"Thanks," Danny answered slowly as he took the mug and headed for the fridge. But just as he reached it, he paused and looked at a picture of his family on the fridge door and stopped dead in his tracks. Before Henry could say something, Danny's fist covered the picture and crushed it in his palm before Henry could stop him.

"That's mine," Henry plainly told him.

"Not anymore."

"You can't get rid of all photo's Danny."

"Why not!" He hissed with his back still to his grandfather. "We don't need the reminders that…"

"Reminders of happy memories? Being a widower is…"

"Something for old people!" Danny shot back just as Frank entered the room and looked at his son with pursed lips and instantly his heart sunk. "Look I didn't mean…."

"Linda was too young to die," Frank acknowledged as Danny leaned against the fridge and looked down at the crumpled picture in his grasp. "Mary was too young."

"Betty would have said she was too young at 93," Henry added as Frank cast his father a tender smile.

"It's not fair…just not fair."

"Death is never fair," Frank told his son kindly as he neared. "Have you…gone to see Dr. Jenkins?" Frank inquired, referring to the NYPD department psychiatrist Dr. Oliver Jenkins.

"No. What's there to talk about?" Danny directly challenged his father. "I know what happened and I don't think rehashing it is going to bring her back. Right?"

"Danny…that's not why you go and talk to a professional."

"Why then, because I _have_ to?"

"Part of it," Frank tried to reason in return. "And, partly to help you properly channel those emotions you keep bottled up inside."

"I don't need therapy," Danny deadpanned as his father's expression softened. "I'll do what I have to and that's it. She's gone and…and I gotta go."

"Danny…"

"The boys need me to be…look the last thing they need to see if me going to therapy and thinking that I can't keep it together. How the hell would I be able to help them if I can't help myself right?"

"Danny…" Henry tried this time.

"No I uh…I gotta go," Danny huffed as he pulled away and headed for the bottom of the stairwell. "Boys! Let's move!"

He heard a few grumbles from upstairs as he turned and looked at his father and grandfather. "She'd want us just to go on right?"

"Talking about her isn't wrong. She'd want _that_. Linda died a hero, Danny and that was recognized but first and foremost she was a wife and mother."

"I know…I uh…we'll find a place soon. Just…okay let's go!"

Frank watched his two beloved grandsons emerge with glum faces that instantly tried to perk up as Danny had done and he knew, that much like his son, they too were hurting inside – missing their mother and not knowing how or what to say in front of anyone, especially their father. As much as he wanted to bring it up in front of them all, he had already done that on a few occasions and it hadn't turned out pleasant for anyone. He'd let it go this time – but he would bring it up again; knowing that it was emotionally dangerous for them to keep it all bottled inside.

"He's going to blow one of these days," Henry commented as Frank nodded in silent agreement.

"He'll go to therapy but unless he actually opens up, it'll be a wasted hour," Frank uttered gravely. "He needs some tough love."

"We can give him that," Henry mused as Frank reached for his jacket. "Is he back on full active duty yet?"

"He tries and then…blows up at something and stops. He cuts his shifts so he can pick up Sean from the high school and then off to the college to get Jack. Those aren't bad things in themselves and I'm glad he wants to be there for them but…but he needs to…damn I don't know what to tell him."

"Give him another few weeks and see what happens. If he keeps this up, we might have to show him some tough love and by that I mean find him his own home," Henry told Frank firmly.

"It might come to that."

XXXXXXXX

Danny dropped Sean off and then pulled away from the curb and headed for the college where his son Jack attended.

"I don't mind taking the bus," Jack mentioned as they neared the parking lot.

"Too old to have your old man drop you off in front of your friends?" Danny gently ribbed as Jack's brow furrowed. "Yeah I guess…it's been long enough huh."

"Mom let us take the bus on our own."

"Yeah I know. You're grown up and…I get it," Danny nodded as his lips pursed. "I just…I've missed a lot you know…."

"And now you want to make up for lost time?" Jack interjected. His words made Danny's face instantly sting and his expression was etched in pain. "Sorry."

"Now…I get it. Do you and your brother uh…well ever resent I wasn't home enough?" Danny dared to ask. For a few seconds he could see his son waffle with an answer and his heart drooped. "I get it."

"Okay well…I think we just got it. Grampa….great grampa….yeah we just got it."

"But I should have been home more."

"Mom wasn't mad about it if that's what you mean," Jack stumbled on his words.

"Yeah…I know," Danny huffed as he offered his son a tight lipped smile. "Enjoy classes."

"Okay. Bye dad."

"Bye."

Danny watched his eldest take his leave and then leaned back in his car and felt a small lump of emotion form in his throat. _'Mom wasn't mad…we just got it…'_ the words continued to sting his soul and then attack his brain as he slowly directed his Jeep toward the precinct.

And much like the other mornings when he had arrived, his mood was sour and withdrawn.

"Kids are mad at me," Danny mentioned to Baez as he sat across from her at their desks. "Jack…he won't say it but uh…but I think they blame me for her death."

"Her death was an accident Danny, they know that. They're old enough to understand the facts."

"She was…she changed her shift because I had to work late and…and if I wasn't then…then she wouldn't have been on shift to take that helicopter ride and…was my fault."

"You couldn't have known, " Baez implored. "Why don't we dig up a cold case and…"

"No she…she would still be here. Was my fault," Danny insisted as his stomach tightened.

"She would never want you to blame yourself."

"She hated my job!" Danny hissed; his voice slightly rising so that Baez pursed her lips. He looked around with a distraught glance before he looked back at his partner and exhaled heavily. "Had I been an accountant or…plumber or…what?" He stopped and asked in sarcasm as she offered him an amused chuckle.

"You wouldn't have lasted."

"Yeah but I would have been home at a normal time. Had a regular, normal schedule and had…a normal life and now…now I'm a widower and that's…that's just wrong. Told my old man that that was the term for old people."

"Ouch."

"Yeah…I know," Danny grimaced as he leaned back in his chair and looked at her thoughtfully. "After the House burnt I uh…I shoulda done something."

"Like what?"

"I don't know just…something," Danny shook his head as a worried expression instantly etched itself onto his partner's face. "Something."

"Danny…" she started in a worried tone.

"No I just…I shoulda done something more. Be there for them…you know be there for them more or…or just something," Danny told her as he leaned forward and then shook his head. "But I can do that now. I'm done here."

"What?" Baez asked in shock as he slowly stood up and looked down at her with a broken expression. "Danny you can't be…" she started only to stop as he slowly pulled back his coat and retrieved his gun and then his badge. "Don't do this…"

"Shoulda done this a while ago."

"Danny…"

"She's dead because of me and now…now I owe it to my boys to be there for them instead of making them orphans." And before Baez could say another word he lay down his gun and his shield on his desk and looked at her with a determined but remorse-filled expression.

"I quit."

* * *

 **A/N:** I did waffle on the timing but I assumed that from the time of their house burning down, Linda would have died shortly thereafter and they were in Frank's house until the end of the eppy when the family got the house for them (b/c the therapist said a few months of rather useless therapy for Danny). So wanted to do sort of a filler chapter before the events of the eppy and then onward with their "NEW" life and hope that's okay. So…yes this one is going to have lots of Danny angst and hope that's okay so please do review before you go and thanks so much!

 **PS:** so in the show and on various sites Danny's shrink is just called…'Doc' but after watching him it was kinda eerie for me b/c my OC from my Wilder story was Dr. Day who lost his wife 10 years ago also! Weird‼ and as much as he did remind me of Dr. Day in that he pushed Danny to confess and open up and offered Danny some tough love, my OC was in another timeframe so I made another OC (Oliver Jenkins) and while I tried to keep them separate they sound – similar. Hey blame the show not me lol


	2. False Reasoning

**Title: Moving On?**  
 **Chapter 2 – False Reasoning**

 **A/N:** Thanks everyone! So glad you all liked the start to this angsty journey of Danny's new situation and hope you like this update just as much!

* * *

Danny didn't really mean to end up where he did but he did…he just wanted to drown his sorrows in the simplest way possible.

"Danny come on…aren't you on duty?" The familiar face behind the bar asked in concern.

"No. No more duty…done with duty," he lightly grumbled as his took another shot of the golden poison and let it burn all the way down to his stomach. "No more…" he muttered one more time as he drained the last drop from the tumbler and then brought it hard down onto the top of the bar and asked for another.

"You driving?" The bartender tried another tactic.

"I'm a paying customer," Danny demanded as his irate tone drew a few stares.

"Ok-ay _paying customer_ ," the bartender retorted as he pour Danny another shot and then slowly headed down to the far end of the bar to make a call.

 _Shouldn't have taken that call…_ Danny's mind inwardly swirled as he pulled his phone and looked at his wife's last text message. _She wouldn't have been on that plane if it wasn't for me! I did this…I killed my wife…I killed my boy's mother…I DID!_ The more the dwelt on the erroneous fact he purported in his mind, the more his anger continued to swell. He finished his second bout and then slammed the glass down on the bar top and demanded another.

"Think that's it for this time."

Danny didn't look at Jamie, instead he just rolled his eyes and kept his gaze fixed on the empty glass.

"Dad send you?"

"No. Charlie called. Come on…let's go."

"Where home? I don't have one…remember?" Danny retorted with in a smart-alecky tone as Jamie's expression deadpanned. "I'm busy."

"Come on Danny," Jamie insisted once more as they now started to draw a few curious looks.

"Why?"

"Do you really want me to pull out the ' _your sons need you card?'_ " Jamie looked at Danny in exasperation.

"They are doing homework," Danny pushed back in annoyance. "I'm not hungry. They can get dinner for themselves."

"Come on Danny…" Jamie gently urged. "Don't make a scene. The boys are worried," Jamie reiterated.

"Fine. Golden boy wins this round," Danny muttered in sarcasm as he tossed his payment onto the top and then stood up to leave. The bartender offered Danny a sympathetic glance and Jamie a grateful nod as he watched the youngest Reagan brother direct the oldest toward the entrance and then outside into the cool night air.

"If you're gonna give me the same tongue lashing that Erin did, skip it. Damn Baez told everyone."

"She's your friend and partner, course she's concerned," Jamie commented as he snatched Danny's keys from his grasp; Danny too tired to argue.

"Yeah well…I'm doing the right thing."

"You sure?"

"Yeah I'm sure!" Danny snapped in agitation. "Linda's death was my fault and now people wanna give me grief because I want to be there for my boys now?"

"You don't have to quit to do that," Jamie gently reminded him as they both got into Danny's car. "I know the past few months haven't been easy…"

"Yeah…just…let's go. I'm done talking. Cops quit all the time. I'm done," Danny stated resolutely as they neared his father's home. "This is the right decision."

The rest of the tormented ride to Frank's place was spent in miserable silence; each time Jamie tried to broach the subject, Danny shot him down with one word – no. Then Jamie gave up, telling himself that there would be another time or at least he hoped.

"Okay well good n…" is all Jamie got out as Danny gave him a stony nod, took his keys and then got out of his car and headed up the sidewalk; not looking back as Jamie got out of his car, locked it and then headed to his waiting cruiser that Eddie had followed in.

XXXXXXXX

"Don't start," Danny groaned as he entered his father's House some time later and looked at his grandfather's displeased expression. "I know you know."

"Linda wouldn't want you to quit."

"See…that's where you're wrong. She would! She hated my job," Danny resigned as he looked down the hallway to where his two boys were in their temporary rooms. "Baez told me not to. Erin heard and chewed me out…Jamie asked if I was making the right decision. I know I'll get it from dad when I get home but really?" Danny continued as he neared Henry, his tone still hushed. "Figured wanting to spent more time with my boys would be what everyone would think is the right thing to do!" He concluded with a grumble as he shook his head.

"Tell them yet?"

"Going to now. Trust me…this is for the best," Danny insisted stubbornly as Henry watched him with a glum expression.

"Danny, take a shot of cold coffee or something," Henry advised. "No sense in letting the boys know how you pass your spare time."

He knew he wasn't drunk after only two shots of whisky but Henry was right, as usual, they didn't need to smell defeat on their father. So after he took a few shots of cold coffee, which he hated, he opted for some gum and then took a deep breath. Danny headed down the hall toward the room his oldest Jack was in and paused just outside and listened to both of them talking in low tones.

 _"Not really hungry."_

 _"Yeah…me either."_

 _"How long do we have to stay here?"_

 _"Don't know. Dad never tells us anything."_

 _"Yeah…he's so withdrawn. Wish he'd tell us something."_

 _"Yeah…me too."_

Danny's heart sunk and his frame literally sagged. Course their mother's death would affect them, how could it not. He closed his eyes for a few seconds as he recalled his miserable mood on the day of her funeral and how lost he felt. That inner feeling hadn't left but he thought by putting on a brave face and making like everything was okay – it would be. It was naïve thinking and he realized it just now.

Danny slowly stepped into his boy's room and then held himself in place as both looked up with somewhat perplexed expressions.

"Hey so…" Danny started as he slowly eased himself down onto the bed that faced opposite his sons and looked at them with a strained expression. "How are you guys doing?"

"Fine."

"Good."

"Fine, good…yeah," Danny huffed as his lips pursed. "So…I know I'm not good at this kinda thing. Talking and such but uh…but I think I've been…and…I'm quitting the force," Danny just blurted out.

"What?" Both of his sons asked in shock at once.

"But…why? You love your job?" Jack inquired as Henry quietly listened with a stressed frown.

"Yeah I uh…I did but…but with mom uh…I just think I need to be here more," Danny stammered, still unable to say the words ' _your mom is gone…or your mom is dead…'_ out loud as it made him feel…shattered. "I've missed so much and I don't want to miss anymore."

"What are you gonna do then?" Sean wondered as he looked at Jack in concern.

"Something where I can be home at a normal hour."

"I can make dinner," Jack stated in haste as Danny's lips slightly twisted. "You know for me and Sean if you're late. We did it on the days mom worked the night shift and you were late."

"Yeah but you shouldn't have to," Danny softly insisted as his stomach tightened even further. "I shoulda been home more…and I wanna do that now."

"Okay but…when we're both at school what are you gonna do?" Jack asked again.

"I don't know yet," Danny replied with a small huff. "Thought you guys would be a little more excited."

"Well…we are," Jack shrugged as Sean nodded in agreement; both not really knowing what to say. "Do you…miss mom?"

"What? Course I do…why would you ask!" Danny snapped and then sunk back a little when Jack's expression instantly drooped and Henry silently groaned outside in the hallway. "Sorry…course I miss her. Every day."

"So…we can talk about her right?" Sean inquired as Danny's brow furrowed and he inwardly cursed himself.

"Course…yes," Danny insisted as he looked at his boys seriously. "I miss her very much," he admitted with a broken tone as his eyes threatened to water. "I just…I just wanted to be here more for you guys. I don't know what I'll do yet but…but I feel it's the right thing to do."

"Okay dad."

"Sure dad."

"Okay," Danny nodded as his hands rested on each of his son's shoulders and gave them a squeeze. He slowly stood up and told them that they'd be called for dinner and headed back into the quiet hallway; a space that Henry had already vacated. He trudged up the stairs to his room and tossed his suit jacket onto his bed and then tugged at his tie.

His lips uttered a soft curse as he looked at a picture of him and Linda on his dresser and shook his head. "Why…why didn't I …you'd still be here if…if I didn't take that damn shift!" Danny growled as his balled fist slammed down on the top of the dresser which made a small keepsake box to bounce and clatter to the ground.

Danny bent down and picked up the small object and felt himself exhale heavily as he looked at Linda's wedding rings on the floor beside the box and picked them up and let them linger in his palm a few seconds before he put them into the box and then quickly put the box back onto the counter and started to claw at the buttons on his dress shirt.

"Get off!" Danny hissed as he yanked his shirt off before the last few buttons were unbuttoned and then flung the shirt toward the corner where the laundry basket sat silent. "Hate this…" he softly groaned as he slumped down onto his bed and hung his head in his hands and felt his body shudder.

He felt his stomach tighten further and as soon as he closed his eyes, Linda's face flashed before his inner conscience asking him to help her.

 _'Help me Danny! I counted on you…I'm here because of you…'_

"Ah ahhhh," Danny stammered as he pushed himself up, rushed to the bathroom and threw up whatever he had left in his stomach from his bar binge. He splashed his face with cold water before he looked at his haggard reflection and then cursed his existence, once again falsely insisting that he was to blame. He staggered back into his bedroom, fell onto his bed, closed his eyes and let the darkness consume him.

XXXXXXXX

Danny awoke a few hours later with a pounding head and quietly made his way downstairs to get something cold to drink.

"Hungry?"

Danny turned and looked at his father with a startled expression and then shook his head as he slowly entered Frank's quiet home office. "No I just…sorry I missed dinner. I wasn't hungry."

"Danny…"

"I wasn't home enough for the boys or Linda when Linda was…quitting will help me be here for them more."

"You don't normally jump to rash ideas."

"This…Linda would want this," Danny insisted.

"You sure?" Frank countered as Danny looked at his father in distress. "Linda never begrudged your job and you know she'd been through a lot with you. She might want you to skip a few less overnight stakeouts but she wouldn't want you to outright quit."

"If I hadn't…"

"Danny…"

"I…I'm quitting and that's it. I told the boys."

"What'd they say?"

"Not much but I think it's all still new."

"And have you talked to Dr. Jenkins?"

"Yeah…same old stuff," Danny shrugged. "But it's not his decision. Sean and Jack Reagan aren't his responsibility; they're mine. I'll find something to do that has normal hours and…"

"Sean and Jack understand. Sean is graduating this year and Jack's in college and…"

"And I've missed most of that!" Danny shook his head. "I just…" he paused as he looked around and then back at his father. "I need some water."

This time Frank didn't argue with his son but instead watched him get up and then head into the kitchen and pull the fridge open. "What do the boys say about Linda?"

"They miss her," Danny replied simply as he downed the cool liquid and a pain killer. "I don't know what to say to them. She's gone and it's my fault. All their stuff is gone…our house is gone…everything that made sense is just gone," Danny confessed in a tormented tone as Frank's expression drooped. He hated to see his son in such emotional distress but knew that Danny had to expel whatever emotional darkness he had inside instead of holding it inside.

"I need something to make sense and maybe a new start with normal hours will be it."

"Just…give it a few weeks okay? You're making a decision based on emotion."

"Nope…I've made up my mind," Danny insisted as he turned to leave. "Gotta put the boys first now right?"

And before Frank could say another word, Danny said goodnight and turned to leave. He watched his son disappear from view and leaned back in his large leather chair and exhaled heavily. He understood Danny's anger and why he thought leaving the NYPD was the right thing but he also knew inside that it was a rash decision and Danny might come to regret it. For that reason he wasn't going to put through any resignation paperwork from his son just yet.

Taking less longer evening assignments was a good idea and he could only hope that something would help Danny see that NYPD needed him as well as his family and he was sure that he could help his son work out an acceptable compromise.

XXXXXXXX

The next day Danny stood before the doctor's office with an angry snarl; his mind wanting to be anywhere else in the world but right there. However, it was mandated and that's what he was going to do – go in and tell the doctor what he wanted to hear and then leave and that would be it. It would be the same as everything else.

 _I'm going to quit…nothing can stop that!_ He insisted as he pushed the door open and then slowly entered. _This…was going to emotional hell…he just knew it._

* * *

 **A/N:** oh dear…Danny you are so not fine and not doing the right thing! Yikes! But hmmm hints of him hitting the bottom are already showing. Will he actually get down that far? And how will the next few sessions go for our emotionally distraught detective? I will include stuff from the show in here also but also want to flesh out a few details on how he coped when off the clock. Please do review before you go and thanks so much!


	3. The Next Steps?

**Title: Moving On?**  
 **Chapter 3 – The Next Steps?**

* * *

"And how are the boys coping?"

"They're coping," Danny replied sourly as the NYPD Psychologist looked at him in doubt. "Look Doc…when we want to talk about it we do and when we don't we don't…that's okay right?"

"Yes but…" Dr. Jenkins tried to interject.

"She's uh….it's just different now and we're coping," Danny insisted as his agitation started to gain momentum.

"And the boys open up to you?"

"Sure."

"Doesn't sound too convincing," Dr. Jenkins pushed back. "Unresolved feelings aren't good to hold in."

"They're resolved," Danny tried once more as he looked at his watch.

"Rushing through this isn't going to help you and if I can't help you, you can't help your boys."

"They're fine!"

"No they're not!" Dr. Jenkins argued back as Danny's lips pursed. "At least you let out some emotion."

"We talk when we want to," Danny insisted once more. "Is this over now? I gotta pick up my kids from school."

"You're oldest, Sean…he's in College now right?"

"That's still a school," Danny shot back with a huff as he stood up. "Thanks Doc…"

"See you next time."

"Next time? There has to be a next time? How many times do I have to be here? I've already been here enough!" He countered irately as Dr. Oliver Jenkins nodded in confirmation.

"Until you acknowledge the real reason you're here."

"Fine…when? Just get your assistant out there to send me the details. Otherwise…I'm fine. We're all fine. There, that's why I'm here. You want me to say I'm not fine…I'm fine and I need to be strong for my boys. See you next time Doc," Danny concluded in exasperation as he neared the door in a huff. "I'm fine."

Dr. Jenkins watched Danny Reagan take his leave and then leaned back in his chair with a heavy sigh. "No Danny…you are the furthest thing from fine," he uttered in a worried whisper.

XXXXXXXX

Danny stormed outside and pounded his fist into his palm, quickly recomposing himself just as the elevator doors opened and he reemerged into daylight.

 _"Linda! Hey…"_

For a split second he turned around and watched his wife walk toward him and his heart rate started to climb. But as soon as he blinked a strangers face appeared, neared and then headed on past to the person behind him who had called the name.

"I'm…fine," Danny muttered as he hurried toward the doors and bust outside into the cool morning air. He spied a bench and headed for it, slumped down and rested his elbows on his knees.

"You look like you could use this."

Danny looked up as his partner neared and held out a mug of coffee. "Following me?"

"Believe it or not, I do have a life outside of worrying about you," Baez gently smirked as she sat down on the bench beside him. "I had to drop something off for court. You okay?"

"Yeah…fine," Danny huffed as he took a sip of the coffee and then went back to looking down at the ground. "I'm quitting and that's final," he stated resolutely without looking up.

"Yeah I know…stubborn," Baez tossed back as Danny nodded in agreement. "You tell the Sarg?"

"You didn't? You told everyone else," Danny countered sourly as he finally straightened up.

"Just Erin," Baez replied with pursed lips. "You…tell the boys?"

"I did and they are fine with it."

"Liar."

"Well they will be," Danny insisted as he took another sip of the coffee. "Linda…I shoulda been there more and now I can be. Everyone's busting my chops about this but thought everyone would be happy about it."

"It's just so…sudden," Baez reminded him as he shook his head.

"I know but…but I help other families and such and mine always seemed to take second place."

"Anyone who knows you, knows that's not true. Every time they needed you…you were there."

"Not… _every_ time…" he whispered with a heavy frown.

"Just give it…some more time."

"No I'm done…I'll give them the due notice as per whatever the union says I have to and that'll be it. That's it. Family's first now," Danny insisted. "Family first."

Baez listened to the tormented tone in her partner's voice but knew, much like Jamie the night before, it wasn't the time to push Danny further in that moment.

"Why don't you take them somewhere tonight…somewhere the three of you would normally go with Linda."

Danny gave her a tight lipped smile as he slowly stood up and looked at his partner in silent misery. "We're gonna be fine."

And much like Dr. Jenkins, Baez knew that Danny was far from fine – he was anything but.

XXXXXXXX

Danny reached his car and rested in the driver's seat for a few moments as his mind thought about what his partner had said. _'Take your boys out…someplace they like…'_ with the boys growing up and each of them coming into their own and discovering new likes and dislikes, there was one thing they could always agree on – pizza. But not just any pizza place – Zingoni's Pizza. The one place the four of them liked to go as a family and eat out and share some family bonding.

With that he put the Jeep in drive and headed toward the school to pick up Sean and then Sean. _You can do this…_ his mind urged him as he neared the school and then stopped; his heart rate already gaining momentum.

"Dad? What's…going on?" Sean asked as he neared Danny's side of the Jeep and spoke through the open driver's window.

"Thought I'd take you guys to dinner."

"Sure but…why?"

"Why not? I need a reason to take my boys for dinner? Get in, we're going to get Sean and then head to Zingoti's."

"Okay…sure."

"So, how was school?"

"Fine," Sean shrugged as they pulled out of the parking lot. "How was…right so…yeah school was good."

"I'm just trying to figure things out still," Danny excused himself as they neared the college where his eldest, Jack attended. "How are you doing? Anything you wanna talk about?"

"Not really," Sean replied softly as Danny stopped the Jeep.

"Anything about…you know mom's passing or…anything?"

"No. I mean…she was going to help me with my English project…something about Shakespeare. Can…you help me? School Principal gave me a pass because of missing the few weeks of school after uh…mom's death."

"Sure…we can look at it tonight," Danny agreed as Jack got into the backseat of the Jeep and looked at his father in question. "We're going for pizza."

"Okay but…why?" Jack asked the same as Sean which made Danny roll his eyes. "Sure."

"How was school?"

"It was fine."

"Okay. Everyone's fine," Danny repeated as he pulled away from the parking lot and headed for their favorite pizza place. He told himself that he was fine and he didn't need a department shrink to get inside his brain and pull out emotions he wanted to keep buried.

But as soon as they got there, Danny's stomach instantly seized as he was taken back in time to one of the first places he had taken his wife on a date and he feared this wasn't going to go well.

"Hey Danny…usual table?"

"Hey Sid…yeah sure," Danny nodded weakly as he followed after his boys to a table in the busy pizza parlor and slumped down into his usual chair and then felt a lump instantly form in his throat as he looked at the empty chair that now stood silently beside him.

For a few seconds, time held Danny captive in quiet misery until one of his son's spoke to him and broke him from his emotional fog.

"Yeah…what? Sure…what?"

"What are we going to order?" Jack asked stonily.

"The usual?" Sean added as Danny's lip pursed.

"Yeah…sure," Danny stammered as the waiter came back to take their order. "So…" Danny started after the waiter walked away. "Tell us about…" he paused as he looked over at Linda's empty chair and then frowned for a few seconds before he looked back with a tight lipped smile, "so your project is um…" he paused as he looked back at the empty chair and then glanced back at his boys with a tense expression.

"Do you want to move to another table?" Sean dared to ask.

"No!" Danny snapped and then frowned as his shoulders slumped. "Sorry…no…no this is fine. We're fine."

"Cuz…we don't mind," Jack added as Sean nodded in haste.

Danny looked at his boys with a heavy frown before he nodded in resignation. "Okay maybe…next time. This will be fine. It'll…look it's our first time here without your mom so of course it's going to be…strange. Next time…" he echoed once more as the drinks arrived and then silence followed.

But as he looked at the looks around him – some in quiet sadness for him and some in curious wonder but most offering him the one thing he hated – pity. He would then see happy families, husband and wife laughing with their children and feel lament tug at his heart for what he would never have with the mother of his boys. He felt empty…hollow…more alone than he ever thought he would. _Why the hell did I come here! This was a mistake! I'm never coming back here again! EVER!_

The rest of the night was strained and Danny wondered if anything would get back to normal…ever.

XXXXXXXX

"How was dinner?" Henry asked Danny as he and the boys traipsed in about an hour later with a pizza box in one hand a distressed expression on his face.

"Fine," Danny huffed as he watched his boys pull away and head for their temporary rooms. "Everything…is just fine."

"That good huh," Henry deadpanned as Danny shoved the pizza box into the fridge and then turned around and looked at his grandfather with a small scowl.

"Went to Zingoti's."

"Ah…usual table and pie?" Henry guessed with a small sigh.

"Yeah…didn't go over so well…kept looking at the empty chair and wondering…what the hell is going on here. Why…why isn't she here."

"Danny…" Henry tried to interject as Danny held up his hand.

"Yeah I know…it'll take time," Danny gently growled as Henry prepared to say something else. "Goodnight grampa."

"She wouldn't mind if you sat at another table," Henry rushed as Danny stopped in the door frame with his back to the eldest Reagan. "The boys won't mind if you start a new routine now with them. Just the three of you now."

Danny looked back with a brief glance of defeat and felt his core get warmer. "It's just that…I don't know how."

"Small steps…next time you want not go back to Zingoti's…pick a table for three and a new pie…or the same one with a twist."

"Twist?"

"You'll figure it out," Henry added with a small smile. "You being there more for them also means in that moment. After Betty passed away, it was important that when I was with Francis I was there…sure he was a grown man but at times when he needed my attention…even now…he has it. Picking them up is one thing…but you need to be there for them in everything…even a simple conversation."

"Quality…"

"Not quantity," Henry concluded as Danny's lips screw into a tight line. "Goodnight."

XXXXXXXX

That night Danny lay awake, his mind too busy to let his eyes get some solid rest. He replayed that day – May 28th over and over…the morning, their last few discussions…the call and then ending the day at the hospital with his boys at his sides.

 _'There's leftover lasagna in the fridge…oh and Jack will need help with and Sean has his first…'_

It was just everyday conversation….normal…nothing major or foreshadowing of what was about to happen and change their lives – forever. He shifted onto his side as he tried to shut his mind down and focus on…happier thoughts. But that wasn't about to happen. He recalled his grandfather's words about moving on and wished he had had a discussion with Linda about what they should do if anything should happen to either one – but they never did, he figured it would never be needed so if it was ever even hinted at he just shot it down. Now he wished he had done more to listen a bit better. _'Linda will be okay with you starting a new routine…same place but something different…that'll show the boys that you still value what they did with Linda still with them but you're okay with making something special for just the three of you.'_

Danny would later tell Henry he was right – Henry…would agree but for sad reasons – he had already been there.

XXXXXXXX

"I just need…I need help and you know I don't like to ask for it or…asking for help means I can't do it on my own and I need someone to help me and I need to be strong for the boys. Only…I don't know how do to that…" Danny huffed as he rubbed his weary face with his hands and then looked up at the greyish sky and then back down.

"I wish I knew what to do but…but damn I've never been…a single…ah damn I'm a widower…" he stopped as his eyes watered. "Jack's talking about this girl he likes and Sean is planning for a summer job so he can start saving for a car and…I can't do this without you."

Danny's watery gaze dropped down to Linda's tombstone as his heart continued to beat painfully in his chest.

"Wish you were here…" his voice broke as he quickly wiped his eyes with his jacket sleeve. "I'm uh…quitting the force. You'd probably tell me I'm nuts but uh…but I think it's best. I don't know what the boys do…I don't know their routine. They tell me but…but damn, grampa knows more about them than I do. You did all that…even when you were working the night shift…I just took it for granted because I thought you'd always be here but uh…but I'm scared I'll do something wrong. And if I screw up…I'll have let you down…I know that…not just them but you and…" he paused as he shook his head and then looked back down at her tombstone. "Miss you so much."

XXXXXXXX

 _"Danny?" The NYPD psychiatrist prodded his emotionally distraught client once more. "You still haven't answered the question."_

Danny looked at the doctor's kind expression but only felt anger starting to well inside; the same as it had for the past few months. Today would be no different.

 _"Why does anyone care if I hang up my shield or not?"_

 _"It'll make a difference for your family. Being a police officer has defined you."_

 _"Not anymore. I'm done now. For good."_

 _"The home wasn't your fault."_

 _"IT WAS MY FAULT! THE HOUSE WAS MY FAULT! THE FIRE WAS MY FAULT…LINDA WAS MY FAULT!"_

And that was it…Danny looked the doctor in contempt before he stood up and stormed out of his office. "Damn bastard….he doesn't get it," Danny huffed as he paused outside Dr. Jenkins office a bit longer than expected. He heard a small creak on the floor and turned back to see the doctor looking at him with a small frown. "Sorry doc I…"

"I've been called a damn bastard before and sometimes I can be just that. But I want to help you and if that makes me a damn bastard I'll wear the title. It might not seem like it with all the probing questions but I do want to help you move on."

"Move on…forget Linda and just…"

"No…never forget her. I've never forgotten my wife and even now…sometimes I'll wake up expecting her to answer a question or tell me to change my tie or something…I don't fight those memories now. I embrace them. I know you have to go but I hope next time we can talk about how to help you move on."

"Doc…"

"But before that you have to acknowledge one thing."

"What's that?"

"Linda's really gone…she's not coming back, and it wasn't your fault."

With those heart-cutting words, Dr. Jenkins turned and headed back into his office as Danny stood in the middle of the quiet hallway with a defeated gaze. _'She's gone…never coming back…'_ he hadn't deluded himself into thinking that but at the same time, he hadn't openly acknowledged it – to his sons, or himself. And that's what Dr. Jenkins so desperately wanted to unlock.

"Ah….screw this," Danny growled as he headed to his car. But just as he got there he got a call from his sister that in part said she wanted his help in a matter that involved her ex-husband, Jack Boyle. That case…would force him back into a job he so loved and would help him see that quitting wasn't the answer – it was where he belonged.

But at while he would be busy with the personal case, his father was in the process of helping him to take the next steps in his life.

XXXXXXXX

Henry looked up as Frank entered his office later that same day and put down his glasses. "I heard…how's Jack?"

"Lucky to be alive. Danny's running point on this case."

"Really?" Henry replied as Frank nodded in agreement. "Glad to hear it."

"So's Erin and it was mostly her doing. But that's not why I'm here."

"Trouble with the mayor?"

"That either. Norma Ginty is putting their house up for sale."

"Sure with Gene gone, I understand her wanting to downsize."

"She's going to live with her daughter upstate," Frank mentioned as Henry gently shrugged. "The house is in good shape and the right size. It's a nice area and close to the high school and the college…" Frank paused as Henry nodded in agreement.

"Ah…"

"I think Danny needs a bit of help to move on. Linda would want that and the boys need this," Frank tried to reason. "As much as I love having them at home, I think it's time they set up their own place and got back into their own family routine."

"Tell Danny about this?"

"Not going to until it happens," Frank replied firmly. "He'll just say don't bother and will fight it every step of the way."

"True. So what's your plan?" Henry asked next.

"Well…"

* * *

 **A/N:** oh poor Danny…trying to start over without help isn't going too well! Will it get better? How will his next outing go? And will Frank's plan to get Danny his own home actually succeed? Hope you are all still enjoying all the Danny angst and the story I'm trying to weave around it? Please do review before you go and thanks so much!


	4. Light in Dark Shadows?

**Title: Moving On?**  
 **Chapter 4 – Light in Dark Shadows?**

* * *

Danny stood silently in the entrance to Jack Boyle's hospital room and watched Erin and Nikki with him and felt his heart slightly droop. _'Linda's dead…she's gone….she's not coming back…'_ his brain recalled Dr. Jenkins sobering words as he offered his sister a tight lipped expression. Course he was happy that his niece's father was going to pull through, mostly for her sake but again, his mind instantly went to his boys and how they would never get the chance to see their mother again. Ever. No matter the circumstance.

He pulled away, wanting to clear his head but that was short lived when Erin caught up with him asking for his help.

"There is no we on this," Danny insisted. "I already told you. I'm putting in my papers…I'm done."

"But…after you close this."

"No Erin, not after I close this. The person who closes this is going to be an unbiased detective."

"No Danny," Erin argued back.

"I'm sorry. I…can't do it," Danny firmly replied as she quickly turned her back to show her displeasure, hoping that he'd recant and tell her that he would take the case. He didn't and she silently fumed until he turned his back to her and took his leave.

"She doesn't understand," Danny huffed silently as he pushed his way outside the hospital and paused a few seconds at the ER entrance.

 _'We have a female in cardiac arrest…major blood loss…multiple internal injures…organ failures…'_

His stomach seized as he remained fixed in place a few tormented seconds longer.

"Danny…"

He turned back to her with a distressed gaze; the two of them looking emotionally spent. "I don't want to be here."

"I know and I hate to ask. Nikki has her dad and the boys…I get it, okay? I get it," Erin replied firmly. "But I need your help on this. I know you hate Jack."

"Everyone hates Jack," Danny quipped as Erin's expression softened.

"I know I could ask anyone but I trust your instincts the most. Besides…Baez is on her way there now."

"Great," Danny groaned as Erin's lips pursed. "Okay I'll go with her but only to get through to her and you that I'm not taking this case!" Danny huffed as he turned and headed back toward his waiting car and left his sister to watch him pull away with a bit more gusto than usual.

XXXXXXXX

"You're quiet," Baez commented as they neared Jack Boyle's office.

"Erin thinks I'm working this case and I'm not."

"You're just escorting me?" Baez retorted which made Danny gently seethe. "Let's just see what we can…see okay? Then we can hand off to some untrained…un-motivated detective."

"Not fair," Danny interjected with a groan as they reached Jack's office and went in. But as much as he tried to tell himself he wasn't going to get involved, old habits kicked in as soon as he entered Jack's office and he wanted to search for clues. However, he quickly reminded his partner that, "they were just going to hand it over to Homicide and drop it."

"I know," Baez reluctantly agreed but continued.

 _Good…then it's settled,_ Danny's mind cheered until she read the next bit of evidence that instantly kick started his detective instincts once more.

"Says he was meeting with a Doctor W," Baez mentioned to Jack's assistant. "Who's this?"

"Doctor Webber," Jack's young assistant confirmed which sucked Danny into the burgeoning case one step further.

"Hold on," Danny turned back from heading for the door. "Are we talking about the same Dr. Webber that Jack represented against Erin? How'd that meeting go?" Danny asked with sudden interest.

"He came to ask Mr. Boyle to represent him."

"Again?" Danny pushed back.

"I don't know," the young woman floundered. "Because Mr. Boyle said he wouldn't represent him on any case."

"Okay thanks…if we need anything we'll let you know," Danny told her as she headed back to the uniformed officer to make her statement.

"So…where's this homicide detective who caught the case?" Baez asked somewhat rhetorically.

"Guess…you're looking at him," Danny told her in truth. After hearing that and knowing that his sister might be involved in some way, there was no way he could just walk away now. "Let's go," Danny told her softly as he finally headed for the door and then outside.

 _Okay…you can work this case and then quit_ , Danny's mind reasoned as his fists slightly tightened around the steering wheel.

"Danny…"

"Yeah I'm okay. I uh…I'm still putting in my papers after this. I don't want to hear any arguments."

"From me?"

"Yeah you," Danny countered with a slight smirk. "I'm doing this for Erin…nothing more."

"Fine by me," Baez offered with a satisfied smile.

XXXXXXXX

"Glad you're taking this case Danny," Erin commented as they sat in the waiting area outside Jack's hospital room.

"Kinda felt I owed it to you," he offered in truth. "So Webber…tell me what happened."

"The woman he was dating disappeared and her body was never found and I went reopened the case."

"And he wanted Jack to represent him and Jack said no…which might have set Webber off," Danny concluded correctly.

"All I know Jack was anxious to talk about something. This….would be my guess."

"Does Webber have an alibi for the day she went missing?" Danny questioned.

"He said he put her on a train and that was it," Erin explained. "Without a body, it's hard to convict."

They talked a bit more about the case until Nikki rushed up to them with the excited news that Jack had regained consciousness. He could take bits of Jack Boyle now and again but when Nikki said "I love you dad…so glad you woke up," he his heart shattered and he had to take his leave. Get some fresh air. Do something other than stay around the happy family reunion…one of which he didn't want to hold against his sister or his niece. _Nikki has her whole family…her mom and dad…my boys will never get their mother back….hate this._

"Don't you think you're too emotional to go and see Webber right now?" Baez directly questioned as they headed for Dr. Webber's professional office.

"No. The sooner I can nail this scumbag the better," Danny retorted sourly.

"What's going on? What happened at the hospital?"

"Jack woke up and…Nikki said something and…and it's no big deal. If Webber did try to kill Jack we need to get his ass put behind bars and fast.

But the visit with the wily professional didn't go according to plan as Webber knew exactly what emotional button of Danny's to push. And he pushed it. Hard. And it affected Danny. Hard.

Danny wasted no time as he started right into his questioning, "did you stab Jack Boyle? Where were you yesterday at 11am?"

But Webber wasn't about to be pushed into a corner, so instantly shot back – below the belt.

"Where were you May 28th?" Webber countered firmly.

"What did you just say?" Danny asked with a controlled hiss.

"Where…were you…May…28th?" Webber asked with deliberate slowness, his back still to Danny. But that below the belt shot was more than he could handle, especially after witnessing the emotional family reunion at the hospital and he lunged at Webber. He grabbed him by the back of his jacket, whirled him around and slammed him face first into the nearest set of filing cabinets before he spun him around once more and prepared to strike.

"Hey! Danny!" Baez shouted as she hurried to intervene before things really got out of hand. "Walk away! Just walk away!"

And he did but not before his balled fist swung out and struck the nearest filing cabinet a few meters down from Webber who watched Danny with a smug Cheshire-cat like smile. He had won this round. But Danny was now on the warpath and Webber was about to lose the war.

"I'm fine," Danny insisted as he took in a breath of fresh air and paused. He looked at his partner and shook his head. "Damn bastard…he knew what he was doing."

"He did but you need t…" Baez started as Danny looked at her in warning. But she didn't back down. "I'm just saying. You need to get a handle on this. Others might say the same thing. You can't go off on them each time or else you'll have…"

"I said I'm done!" Danny interjected angrily as Baez's red lips pursed. "There won't be a next time. We're going to nail his lying, manipulating ass to the wall and then I'm done! Done!" He growled as he pushed past his partner and headed for his car.

"We'll see," Baez whispered as she too finally pulled away from her spot and followed after Danny. They got into the car and headed back to the precinct in stony silence. "I'll work on his…alibi," she offered as Danny got out of the car, slammed the door and stormed toward the stairs to go up. "You work on…right," she huffed as he disappeared from view.

XXXXXXXX

"Is…Uncle Jack okay?" Sean asked as Danny looked at his son later the same night of that emotionally charged day.

"He'll be fine," Danny replied, not wanting to berate his son for the use of the word 'Uncle'. They knew that Jack and Erin were long since divorced but Nikki was still their cousin and Erin their Aunt so…so sometimes Uncle slipped out.

"Nikki's lucky she has both parents," Jack added somberly as Danny looked at his other son with a heavy frown. A few seconds later Jack looked up at his father and stared at him for a few seconds in remorse. "Sorry."

"No," Danny interjected in haste. "She is lucky," Danny simply acknowledged with a tight lipped smile. "How was school today?"

Danny quickly changed the subject as their quiet dinner resumed; but the conversation was strained at best. Course the day's events with Webber reminding him of the date of his wife's untimely death; something of course he didn't need help remembering, but something he did need help coming to terms with and Dr. Jenkins would try to that in their next session.

XXXXXXXX

Danny entered Dr. Jenkins office the following night just as the sun had set and nightfall embraced Manhattan with open arms. "Don't wanna be here," he told himself as he entered the quiet room and took a seat opposite the mild mannered physiatrist.

"Your partner had to come between you and Dr. Webber. But it wasn't the case that set you off. What set you off is when he mentioned May 28th. The day that…"

"I can't talk about that!"

"About what?" Dr. Jenkins prodded.

"About…I can't…okay?"

"Can't what Danny?"

"I can't do this….without my wife okay?" Danny finally confessed in misery.

"I think you can. I know what it's like to lose the love of your life. I lost my wife 10 years ago."

"What's that supposed to be…teach me how to cope?"

"No. I don't have a magic formula. I still miss her but I'm able to live my life. That's what everyone wants for you. Linda's death wasn't your fault."

"No? Whose fault was it?"

"No one's."

"Really. See…because if I hadn't been working late and she hadn't changed her shift because of me because of my job…"

"She was doing her job. Just as she had done a dozen times before that. She died…doing her job; which she loved. Which is what you…would have done."

"I should have stopped her."

"Oh Danny…Linda's death wasn't your fault. She died in a helicopter crash air lifting her patient."

"I shoulda been home more Doc….I wasn't," Danny offered with a teary lament.

"You've been coming here for months and you've never uttered the words that she's gone; that she's dead. That she's never coming back. It's not healthy Danny, and you know it. Do you want your Sean and Jack to live in anger and denial because you can't get over it?"

"I just don't know how."

"Very small steps."

"And if I can't?" Danny threw back

"And if you can't, you lean on your family," Dr. Jenkins told him in truth.

"My family…I don't want to be a burden to them," Danny softly confessed as he rubbed a few stray tears and then looked at Dr. Jenkins with a heavy frown.

"You'll never be a burden to those you love. But you do need to do something for me."

"What's that?"

"Repeat after me."

"What?"

"Just do it. Linda is gone."

"Doc…"

"The sooner you acknowledge it out loud the better. Linda is gone."

"Linda…is gone," Danny uttered in a soft whisper as a lump formed in his throat.

"Linda is dead."

"Linda…" Danny paused as he tried to swallow and was unable. "Linda is dead."

"She's never coming back."

"Doc…" Danny tried to protest once more.

"Just this one."

"She's never coming back," Danny repeated in one tormented breath.

"I don't expect you do that with the boys but they have to know that it's okay to move on and that she won't be forgotten. That it's okay for them to rely on you more now and she'll still be with them. That it's just the three of you now…and you'll be okay."

"You sure doc?"

"I am," Dr. Jenkins replied positively. "Breakthrough Danny. Small steps. How are the boys doing?"

Danny talked a bit more about the boys before he left the physiatrist's office and reemerged onto the dark streets with a head a bit clearer. As much as he hated to admit it, it actually felt good to admit audibly what he had been scared to say…his beloved wife was gone and never coming back. With that he told himself to focus on the case and knew exactly what to do. Head to the nearest liquor store, get a bottle of scotch and pay Judge Barton a visit and get his damn search warrant and bring Webber to justice.

XXXXXXXX

"How'd you get this?" Baez asked in wonder.

"Well…Judge Barton likes to play poker at 2am…oh and he also likes very good scotch."

"How much did that set you back?"

"You don't wanna know," Danny retorted with a snicker as he printed out the address to the home they needed to go and search for something that could link Webber with the disappearance of his ex-girlfriend – hopefully a body.

"You seem a bit better today," Baez noted as they headed for their destination. "Had a breakthrough last night?"

"Could say that," Danny replied with a small shrug. "Just…yeah."

"Well I'm glad."

"Yeah… me too," Danny stated as he stopped in front of the quiet home. They both got out and hurried inside. At first it was quiet and it seemed that all hope would be lost, until Danny made his way over to one wall to see if there was possibly a door when the flooring beneath him felt loose.

"A trap door?" Baez asked in shock. "You've got to be kidding me," she stated as Danny yanked the carpet back and pulled his small flashlight. He pried the trap door open and then shone his light down to see the stairs and then started to slowly climb down; the top now illuminated by his partner's flashlight.

"Careful," she cautioned as he told her to stay alert.

He slowly descended down the stairs and then paused at the bottom as Baez caught up. The two of them shone their lights onto the barrel as Danny looked at her with a frown. "What do you think this is?" He asked randomly. He pried the lid open and they both instantly gagged as the badly decayed body of Webber's ex-girlfriend was presented.

"Got him," Danny whispered as he covered his mouth and nose with his jacket sleeve. "Got that damn bastard!" He told her as both of them headed for the steps to go up; Danny already on the phone on his way up.

Telling Erin that they had hard evidence, in the way of a body, to put Webber away was very satisfying for both of them.

"Maybe you should think about what Linda would say if you told her you were quitting."

"I know what she'd say," Danny tossed back at his sister. "She'd be ecstatic."

"No, she wouldn't. You would have driven her crazy at home," Erin interjected in truth. "So what are you going to do? You suck at fishing and you hate golf. What you're good at is the job."

"Job doesn't need me anymore," Danny countered.

"Well maybe you need the job. Just think about it," Erin pushed back; not letting him win. "The boys don't want you to quit either."

"You asked them?"

"Actually, I have," Erin smiled smugly as Danny's lips pursed.

"Why am I not surprised," Danny huffed. "Goodnight sis."

"Goodnight Danny."

Danny took his leave and headed outside the hospital and paused as he took in a deep breath of cool, night air. "Move on…but how? What the hell do I do first? Where do I start?"

* * *

 **A/N** : Okay so I wanted to leave it there b/c aside from the ending to the first eppy with the house I've covered all the bulk of the details of Linda's death and Danny's sessions and now with Danny moving on I didn't want to rush the part with the house b/c there's so much I want to flesh out of that as well as now add bits from the show and a few of my own and hope that's okay! Please do review before you go and let me know how you're liking it so far and thanks so much! (your reviews help me know if I should keep going or cut back!)


	5. Trying to Move On?

**Title: Moving On?**  
 **Chapter 5 – Trying to Move On?**

* * *

"You sure about this?" Jamie asked his father as he, Erin stood in Frank's office with Henry making a surprise visit to join the family discussion. They needed a location where Danny or the boys might not inadvertently overhear what they were talking about.

"I think it's a great idea," Erin chimed in as Frank looked at his daughter with a nod.

"The house is empty and I think it's the nudge that Danny needs to get himself and the boys into a home of their own. The price is affordable and the location is central to everything."

"Are you going to tell the boys?" Jamie inquired.

"I want to talk to them without Danny around," Frank stated firmly.

"I can take him for a beer or something," Jamie suggested as Frank looked at his youngest with an expectant expression. "I think the boys will think it's a great idea. I know they've said they want to move out…just haven't told Danny yet."

"He's keeping a lot inside and I think they think they'll be burdening him," Frank pondered. "But I think if they're in their own place it could open up a few new discussions. I know Danny is scared to move on without Linda or make the boys think he's doing something she wouldn't like but this is what he needs. I've put down the first month's rent for him and there is an option for him to purchase the house."

"Okay so when does this go down?" Jamie asked.

"Go down? Sounds like a hit," Erin deadpanned Jamie who looked at her with a mocking horrified expression.

"Let's put this into play…as soon as we can," Frank suggested as all of them nodded in agreement.

"Okay…I'll go get Danny."

"And I'll bring the boys here," Erin said as Frank looked at his daughter and then watched her and Jamie leave before he turned and looked at his father.

"You're doing the right thing," Henry reassured his son as Frank's lips pursed. "He needs some tough love. Mary would do it and you know that."

"I know. She never coddled them but…"

"It's been four months and while that's not a long time…it's been four months of living with you when they need to be moving on from this together," Henry continued. "The house is a great idea."

"Hope so."

XXXXXXXX

Danny looked up as Jamie neared his desk and looked at his youngest sibling with an inquiring glance. "Erin has another case?"

"No…why?"

"Thought she might think I'd have trouble saying no to you. I don't," Danny smirked. "No. There."

"I'll tell her but I doubt she'll care," Jamie retorted as he plunked himself down by Danny's desk. "Just wanted to know if you wanted to go to Flannigan's for a beer."

"Jamie…"

"No agenda about the job okay? You said you wanted to quit…that's your call. I just wanted to go for a beer," Jamie shrugged as he stood up to leave. "Didn't think we had to be cops to do that…just brothers."

"Your guilt trips are getting better," Danny huffed as Jamie lightly chuckled. "Fine…I'll drive. That way I have an excuse not to drink too much. Had the worst headache last night. Too old for hangovers," he groaned as Jamie offered him a sympathetic glance.

"It's early," Jamie reminded him. "You'll be home in time for dinner."

"Let's go."

XXXXXXXX

At the same time that Jamie and Danny reached the bar, Erin had already picked up the boys and taken them to Frank's office to ensure added privacy for the discussion.

"What did dad say?" Jack asked in haste.

"Haven't told him yet," Frank admitted with a small frown. "He's dealing with a few issues right now…"

"About wanting to quit being a cop?" Sean interjected in wonder.

"There's that and then just not sure what to do without your mom," Frank told them….frankly. "Up until now he's always had her to help him and never had to make a major decision on his own about his family so I understand why he's hesitant. But I think it's important for him and the both of you to have a place of your own. It's a friend's house and it's close to the school and the college and it's a good size. I would like to show you guys tomorrow and you can let me know what you think before we bring your father. If you two don't like it, then the deal is off the table," Frank told them.

"When can we see it?" Jack inquired.

"We can go right now," Frank suggested as the two boys looked at each other and then nodded.

"Okay. Let's go."

XXXXXXXX

Jamie took a swig of his beer and looked up as two women neared them with friendly smiles, paused a few seconds before they continued on. "So…"

"Seriously? You thought we should talk to them?" Danny interjected in haste as Jamie's brow furrowed.

"Ah no…that's not my business," Jamie corrected in haste. "I was just going to ask how it all went with Jack Boyle."

"Nailed Webber to the wall," Danny replied as he took a swig of his beer and looked down at the countertop. "I need to be home more for the boys."

"I get it," Jamie agreed as Danny looked up in wonder.

"Really?"

"Sure," Jamie shrugged. "You're all they have now right?"

"Right and I just need to do things right by them," Danny pondered as he took another swig of his beer and then looked at his watch. The two of them talked a bit longer before Danny insisted they leave and Jamie could only agree knowing if he didn't, Danny might get suspicious. So as he trailed behind Danny, Jamie quickly sent a text to his father to give him the heads up they were done and then exited outside into the early evening cool night air. They drove back to the precinct where Jamie's car was and then Danny offered him a goodnight before he slowly headed for home.

 _Need to make a new start…just me and the boys…how do I do that? Would Linda approve? What would she want? Would she want me to move the boys out of dads? Or stay there? If I did move out where?_ Danny's mind spun around and around with unanswerable questions as he reached home and then slowly shuffled inside.

The boys had already seen the house and given Frank and Henry and subsequently Erin their approval. Jack was a bit more enthusiastic than Sean but when he started to talk about the grade he got on his project at work, Danny just brushed it off. The talk around the dinner table was kept to Jack's fate and while he was grateful that Webber didn't get away with murder, he didn't really want to talk about the case now that it was done and he had to make a final decision. So he kept mostly quiet and then excused himself early. He thought his father would come and talk to him but…but he didn't and Danny just got himself ready for bed early and then slumped down onto the soft surface, his mind still trying to figure out how to make their new start.

He'd get a big help from his family the following morning; something Dr. Jenkins said would help him make a new start.

XXXXXXXX

Danny watched as Jamie's car started to slow down in front of a familiar house and felt his agitation start to rise. It was bad enough that he was stuck in the back of Jamie's cramped sports car but to be ferried around while his family did…"remind me where we are again?" Danny asked in annoyance.

"We have to drop something off."

"Fine," Danny huffed as he parked himself firmly in the backseat and refused to move when both his brother and sister got out.

Jamie closed the driver's door and then bent down and looked at Danny with a huff. "Come on Danny…it'll only take a minute."

"No!" Danny shot back resolutely as Jamie looked at his sister for some help. Which she did. "I don't feel like socializing."

Jamie tried his best to reason with his stubborn brother, reminding him it was an old family friend they hadn't seen in years and it would only take a few minutes. Danny still refused to budge. However, Erin had reached her last verbal straw and ordered him in such a way that he was unable to say no.

"Get out of the car…now!" Erin demanded as Danny knew that was the last straw.

 _Waste of time!_ Danny's mind inwardly growled as his fought his way out of Jamie's car and stomped toward the front door; shrugging off a pat on the back from his brother. "Fine! But I'm only staying a minute," he muttered under his breath as Jamie merely offered him a smirk behind his back.

But as soon as Danny entered the entranceway of the house, everything changed.

"SURPRISE!"

 _What the…hell…_ Danny's mind swirled around as he looked at his two sons, his father, his grandfather, sister and then brother. His heart rate started to climb and his stomach tighten as he stood fixed in place. "Hey…so what's going on?" Danny asked slowly as he looked at his son's exuberant faces.

"You should see the games room," Jack offered with a wide smile.

"The…what?" Danny inquired.

"It's not a games room…it's a man cave," Sean corrected with a proud expression.

"What…is this?"

"It's your new home," Jamie replied with a kind smile as he patted Danny on the shoulder.

 _New home? What the hell…new home…this isn't…NO it's NOT!_

"Only five minute walk from school," Jack piped up as Danny looked from his youngest son to his grandfather Henry who informed him, "we rented it for you."

"With an option to buy if you decide you like living here," Erin added.

"There's even a real back yard," Jack once again added in enthusiasm.

Danny watched his family pull away with happy smiles, all of them hungry and eager to have their first family dinner in his new home. His anger started to seethe inside as he looked at his father with an expression that silently yelled _'HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!'_ He said nothing verbally but Frank held his son's gaze before a few words were offered in kind truth.

"Everything you need is right here," Frank stated as he pulled away and headed to join the rest of the family. And that was true. Everything he needed – his family was there under one roof. As much as he wanted to rebel, the truth rang clear and he was remiss to argue against it. But in that moment he felt his heart starting to crumble; everything but the one thing he wanted most – his wife, to be with them. _Not everything_ he inwardly groaned.

Danny watched his whole family gather around the table but refused to move. He cast a mournful gaze at the empty chair between his son and his niece and felt his eyes want to water. _I don't belong here…this isn't my home. I need to leave…need to get out…_ but once again he felt himself unable to move, held in place but an emotional vice. But after a small eternity and a pall of silence cast over the gathering that he enabled, he told himself that he'd do this for his sons and then leave. _This isn't home…I'm not staying,_ Danny's mind insisted as he finally made his way to the table and sat down.

Frank watched his son sit down and then looked at the expectant faces that turned and gazed at him in wonder; his brow slightly furrowing. "Why are you all looking at me?" Frank asked in haste. "I don't know what to say," he quickly added as Danny's expression slightly softened. After saying a few things, Frank waited until his father had concluded what he wanted to add and then continued. "When Mary died…when I lost my wife…I was a mess," he started his heartfelt confession; Danny's eyes instantly wanting to water as he recalled the horrible moment they lost their mother to cancer. "And it was my kids…Joe, Erin, Jamie and Danny, who even though they had lost their mom, always made sure…to be there for me. I'm not sure what a shrink would say about that….but it was appreciated."

But Danny knew what a shrink would say because Dr. Jenkins had already said it – _'you have family…they'll help you get through this…help you make a new start.'_ His father's words just verified what he already knew. Family is the only thing that mattered.

He could see the warmth and remorse in his father's eyes and his sisters and knew they wanted the best for him and he knew that if he had to make the decision to find his own home without Linda he probably wouldn't have done it. So despite the fact that he didn't want to eat a family dinner in his new home without his wife – he had to for his sons. He was doing this mainly for them now.

XXXXXXXX

"How did you know?" Danny asked his father as they stood in the quiet kitchen later that night; cleaning up the few dishes and take out boxes.

Frank paused what he was doing and looked up at Danny with a small frown. "Because it's what your grandfather would have done for me. It was different because we still had a home but…but as Linda always said a home is where…"

"Your family is," Danny completed the sentence as he heard his boys in the other room with Nicki. "I know. It's just that…"

"Would you have wanted to go out house hunting on your own? Would you have done it if we hadn't endlessly nagged you?"

"No," Danny had to admit in truth; his expression downcast.

"You don't have to say yes tonight. It's been rented for a month to start," Frank reminded his son in a kind tone. "The three of you need to have your own space…your own home. You know this is what Linda would have wanted."

"I try to think about what she'd want and I uh…I don't know. I know she'd want the boys to be happy…me to be happy but…but how can we be happy without her?"

"That's a question only you can answer. It's different for each of us and I can't help you move on from that," Frank told him wisely. "But I can help you in other ways and this is one of them. The boys seem to like it and it's close to a lot of stuff. It's not too big and…"

"I like the house," Danny confessed as Frank looked at him in wonder. "It just feels…wrong to be here without Linda. But…I know we can't stay at your place forever."

"Would you want to? The boys need their own space. They're getting to the point now where they might want to bring friends over…"

"Girls?" Danny interjected with a smirk.

"I believe they could be in the mix," Frank gently smiled. "But you have to start somewhere right? A favor from an old family friend is a good start."

"Thank you," Danny offered as Frank pulled his eldest into his arms and held him tight to his chest.

"Remember Danny…we all love you and the boys and want the best for you all during this tough time. Go spend some time with the boys. Ask them to show you the rest of the house…just the three of you. It will feel strange without Linda here. It will feel strange to set up a new home without her, decorating, making the space your own but you know you have to. For them."

Danny nodded as he listened to his father's words and tried to let them sink into his heart but at the same time found that his heart was so heavy he wasn't sure how he'd survive the next few hours on his own with his boys.

"Take your time here tonight," Frank suggested. "Get to know the house a bit and talk to the boys."

"Right."

Danny watched his father finish up the rest of the supper fixings and then head for the front door. He pulled on his jacket and then opened the front door and paused as he turned back to look at his son with a kind smile. "Remember…love you. Always."

"Love you too," Danny whispered before his father shut the door and he was left alone in the kitchen. He lingered in place a bit longer and then looked around the space before him as he tried to picture how he would decorate it. "What the hell do I know about decorating?" He asked himself in a soft tone as he shook his head and then left the kitchen.

He slowly walked through the empty kitchen in search of his sons. Nicki had left shortly after Frank had and now it was just the three of them alone in the new dwelling. "So…"

"This is going to be my room," Jack declared proudly as Danny looked at Sean who shrugged and nodded.

"Ours is upstairs. Do you want to see them?"

"Uh…sure," Danny replied as both his boys stood up from the floor and hurried past him and then bounded toward the stairs. He was a bit surprised at their enthusiasm, but then told himself that they weren't with him when he and Linda bought their first house – together and the feeling wasn't the same for them as it was for him. The emptiness he now felt inside wasn't what they felt. And it was something he couldn't quite explain.

"This is your room dad…it has the bathroom attached to it," Sean explained as Danny entered the empty room and looked at the space before him with a heavy frown.

 _'This is our room Danny…our first king sized bed…'_ he recalled his wife's words as they stood in an empty house on the other side of the city.

"Dad?"

"Yeah…great," Danny muttered as his son's exchanged wondering glances. "Nice size. And Sean's room?"

"Come see," Sean entreated as they headed down the short hallway to a room that overlooked the backyard. "Love the backyard. Can we get a barbeque? And a basketball hoop?"

"Yeah like the one Grandpa has?" Jack inquired as Sean looked at his father with a happy nod.

"We'll see," Danny replied slowly as he glanced down at the backyard and then turned to look at his boys expressions. "It's…a nice place."

"Want to see the man cave?" Sean asked with a wide grin as Danny just offered him a tight lipped smile. But expectantly Danny shook his head and then pushed past his sons and stormed downstairs.

"What's going on?" Jack asked Sean in wonder.

"I don't know. Thought he liked the place," Sean stated glumly.

"Me too."

"Are we going to stay?"

Danny reached downstairs and felt his core start to enflame a bit more than expected and his eyes water slightly as he started to pace in place, his lips muttering something in an undertone. _I can't stay here…this isn't my home…I can't do this without Linda…I can't decorate and…I just can't…I CAN'T!_

"Come on…let's go!" Danny shouted as two younger faces appeared into his view. "Time to go back to grandpa's."

"But…we wanted stay here tonight," Jack gently pouted.

"Yeah, a sleeping bag is fine," Sean chimed in as Danny's lips pursed.

"No. We have real beds waiting for us," Danny lightly snapped and then recanted. "Sorry…let's just…let's go."

"So…we're coming back here tomorrow?"

"You are going to keep the House…right dad?"

Danny looked at his boy's faces and felt his stomach tighten further; a bit of a dull ache starting to develop.

"Dad?"

"I don't know if I can do this," Danny told them in truth.

"Do what? We'll help with the move."

"It's not that…it's just…" Danny paused as he pulled on his jacket and then headed for the door. "I'm sorry…we're not keeping the house."

"What!"

"We're leaving…now!"

* * *

 **A/N:** Oh poor Danny. So much angst for him and I wanted to get a bit more of the family planning in here and hope you all liked it. But will Danny and his boys continue to butt heads over staying or not? Or will Danny win out? Please do review before you go and thanks so much!


	6. Setting up House?

**Title: Moving On?**  
 **Chapter 6 – Setting up House?**

* * *

Danny looked at the disappointed expressions on his son's faces and felt his heart start to sink.

"Why can't we stay here?" Jack asked in wonder.

"Think mom would want us to live at grampa's the whole time?" Sean asked next as Danny cast a frustrated glance to one son and then the other before his chest slightly deflated.

"All this is new…" Danny started with a small huff. "Last House…Linda and I…" he started and then stopped as his stomach continued to twist into anxious knots. "You both really like the house?"

"Yeah…we do," Jack, Danny's oldest son replied for both of them as Sean nodded in agreement.

"Grampa's is good but…but it's his house. We want our own place. Like we had before. Would mom be mad?"

"What? No…no she wouldn't be mad," Danny replied with a heavy sigh. "It's just….different now."

"Okay well…I guess if you don't like it we don't have to stay," Sean stated with glum resignation.

Danny looked at his boys and felt his heart start to sink further into his inner core and quickly cursed himself. "No…I like the house too. I do," he quietly admitted as both boy's expressions instantly perked up. "You both knew about this before today?"

"Yeah. Aunt Erin told us not to tell."

"She threatens pretty good."

"She does," Danny retorted with a small smile. "Okay…so tonight we're not staying here…"

"Aww…"

"But dad…"

"No but dad's. I'm too old to sleep on the damn floor," he gently groaned. "So lock the place up and tomorrow we'll move our stuff in."

Both boys gave him a hearty "YES!" followed by a very visible high-five to the other; something that made Danny smile. He knew it wouldn't be easy but, his family and Dr. Jenkins were right – this was an important step for the three of them. Linda wouldn't be mad, he knew that. She would want him to put the boy's interests first and make for them as much as possible a normal life after such a big change.

He locked the door and headed down to their waiting Jeep and got inside. Danny cast one more glance back at the house before he slowly pulled away – his mind now racing what it would be like for him as a widower and now single father to set up a new house for himself and his boys. How could he make their new start a success? Carry on without Linda but still make it seem like everything was in control – like Linda did? That scared him.

XXXXXXXX

That night Danny laid awake in bed as he thought about the new step him and his boys would be taking. It was still odd. A new home…no Linda…just the three of them. _Doesn't seem right…_ his mind pondered as his fatigued body tried to pull him into the darkness of sleep. But then another voice reminded him of Dr. Jenkins words about a lot of new things not seeming right after a well-established pattern that was comfortable and accepted. This was a whole new territory for him to cover – alone. And that again scared him.

He finally slipped into darkness but his sleep was agitated and he woke up the next morning – anxiety ridden.

"I'm glad you're going to take the house," Frank commented to his son early the next morning. "Didn't think you wanted to stay here forever."

"No…we didn't but…but I wasn't ready for…ah damn will I ever be ready for new changes?" Danny looked at his father in question.

"Some yes…some no," Frank replied in truth as Danny's lips pursed. "Just try to take it a day at a time with all this. Move your stuff in and then worry about what'll happen at the end of the week."

"Boys are already asking for stuff. Basketball hoop…can they bring friends over…maybe can we get a dog…just things that…that they'd normally ask their mom, she'd tell me, I'd okay and sign the check. That was it. Now…now it's all me."

"Not just you. The boys aren't little children anymore. Jack is an adult now and Sean…not far behind. Keep them involved as much as possible."

"Just don't want to screw up."

"Remember you saying that when you found out Linda was pregnant the first time," Frank reminded his son with a tender smile. "Think they turned out pretty good so far."

"Have Linda to thank for that."

"Oh don't sell yourself short. Just…take it one day at a time."

"Right…day at a time," Danny replied with a nod as he heard his boys getting ready for school. "Think I can do that."

He pulled away from his father and headed into the living room where his boys were about to head out the door; grabbed his jacket and joined them, wanting to put a new plan of action into play as they drove to school. He told them that right after he'd pick them up and they'd try to go back to their favorite pizza place and start a new routine, new table for the three of them, new pizza and just…try something for just them. It wouldn't be easy but they had to try.

And later that same day Danny found out just how hard trying something new was. They walked into Zingotti's and this time he asked for a table for three. The young waiter nodded and showed them to a new table a few rows over from where their usual family table had been.

"Okay so…" Danny started as he ordered a pizza for them and then tried to listen to his boy's tell him about their day. His heart rate started to gain momentum and soon the pounding in his ears drowned out any other noises in the near vicinity. But that soon was shattered once the new pizza arrived and was placed before them.

"There's…mushrooms on it," Sean commented as he hesitated to take a slice.

"Thought you liked mushrooms," Danny remarked casually.

"I do…but…" Sean stammered as Jack quickly interjected.

"We never used to because of mom," Jack added somberly.

"Look this is…" Danny started with a heavy intake of air and then paused to exhale, "never going to get easier. But we do…kinda hafta start putting one foot in front of the other," he tried to explain as Sean nodded and took a slice.

"Do you mean…move on?" Jack asked in hesitation.

"I'm just saying…that I don't think mom would want us to stop living our lives. Right?" He concluded with a question that asked for some acceptance from his sons.

"That is pretty good," Sean mentioned matter-of-factly.

And while the tension inside did start to grow, Danny knew it wasn't from people looking at them with pity, it was his own inner self-condemnation that tried to tell him it was okay to move and then make himself and the boys believe it. But…that would take time.

The growing tension was put on hold by a family friend by a family friend, Shelley, who after she commented on Linda's service and how beautiful it was asked Danny for some work related help. As much as he hated to break up the first meal with his boys in their "new" routine, the distressed look on her face pleaded otherwise, so he gave in. It led to an emotional case that had a somewhat satisfying ending but throughout still reminded him of the tact fact, now, unlike before, he was unable to come home and talk about a tense case with his wife – his rock…his sounding board. His father reminded him that it wouldn't be fair for him to presume to put it on his sons as that wasn't their role and their idea of professional discretion might not be the same as a seasoned NYPD wife.

"Okay so….we don't have that much…well as compared to before the fire so let's just take one room at a time and…" Danny started later that same day as he stood in the entranceway to his new home with his boys on either side a few meters before him. But before he could continue, a knock was heard at the door and he was quick to open it.

He thought it was one of his family members who had come to lend a hand with the unpacking so he was more than shocked when he pulled the door open and stared at a strange but somewhat friendly face. "Hello," Danny greeted as he looked past the woman before him and then back at her. "Can…I help you?"

"Hi…yes…I'm…Amber and I live…just across the street and saw you moving in and thought I'd drop by and say…hi," she rambled nervously as she slightly fidgeted in place. "If you ever need anyone to you know…just keep an eye on things, pick up papers…Mr. Grenwald next door is almost senile so he can't hear anything and the other side of you works all kinds of odd hours. I work part time at…" she stopped when she saw two young faces appear and look at her in wonder. "Okay so…I'll let you get back to…unpacking. Amber."

"Danny. And thank you. My boys Jack and Sean," Danny lamely introduced as each boy offered the middle-aged woman a friendly wave. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Okay…bye."

"Bye."

He watched her turn and head back down the stairs and onto the sidewalk before he slowly closed the door and then turned to look at his boys. "What?"

"That was…"

"Random." One started and the other finished. "Think she wants you to ask her out?"

"She offered help and I thought that was nice," Danny shrugged.

"Sure dad whatever."

"She was kinda forward."

"How does she know you're not married?"

"Would you go out with her?"

"Okay guys look…no I'm not going to go out with her," Danny insisted in haste. "Maybe she was just being neighborly," Danny tried as his boys weren't buying it. "People are nosy and she probably saw the moving truck and…and it's been a few days and it's just us coming and going so…so she came to visit. Think if I was married she would have asked for my wife."

"You're wearing your ring still."

"Wouldn't that…be a turnoff?"

"Are you allowed to date someone if you're still married?"

"Maybe she doesn't care?"

 _STOP THE QUESTIONS!_ Danny's mind silently yelled as he looked at his boys in quiet exasperation; his mind racing with myriads of questions. "I know. It should. No and I don't know what she cares about. I'm not going to go on a date with her or anyone…right now," Danny tried to explain in simple terms as his boys looked back in uncertainty. "Let's just focus on getting the kitchen stuff put away."

The boys muttered something to each other as they turned and headed back to each box they were unpacking as he watched for a few minutes fixed in place. _That was…women don't know…they see you with no woman around…are you surprised they'd take a chance to ask?_ He wasn't angry at 'Amber' he just wasn't in the position to even think about dating or getting remarried or…but the term widower was also a tough pill to swallow.

Danny pulled a picture from one of the boxes of him and Linda and his eyes instantly welled. "Damn it," he quietly cursed as he placed it on the fridge and felt his stomach tighten. "Wish you were here."

"Dad?"

"Yeah okay let's get this all cleaned up so we at least have a table to sit at and some clean dishes to eat on."

"So…that means you'll be cooking for us from now on?" Sean asked with some hesitation as Danny looked at his son in annoyance. "Just…asking."

"It means I'm gonna try but if either one of you wanna ask Auntie Erin for some cooking tips go right ahead."

"Might come to that," Jack shot back as Danny tossed back a mocking glare. As the fridge was literally empty; Danny ordered in pizza and the three of them sat around the sparsely decorated kitchen and talked about what plans they had for their new home.

"So can we get a basketball hoop? Like the kind Grandpa has?"

"Yeah, we have a real backyard now with lots of space."

"They cost money," Danny replied as his boys expressions instantly drooped. "But…I'll see what I can do," he offered in resignation as the expressions instantly perked up.

After the few dinner fixings were put away, Danny stood in the empty living room space and slowly looked around; each of his boys in their own room now unpacking and trying to personalize it. "Seems…wrong," he whispered as he slumped down onto the half boxed couch and leaned his head back on the cushion. But it wasn't long before his eyes closed and fatigue claimed him.

XXXXXXXX

"You look…tired," Baez commented to him the next morning. "Sleep okay?"

"No…new house and…damn fell asleep on the couch. Woke up about 1am and then…tried to get back asleep but just laid there thinking about what Linda would think of the new place and then stuff the boys asked me earlier."

"Yeah? What happened?"

"This neighbor dropped by just to say hello and…"

"Female…neighbor?" Baez prodded.

"Yes as a matter of fact she was."

"Ah."

"What's that? There is no ah. She was being friendly and that was it."

"For now."

"Right," Danny groaned. "In any case the boys…starting asking me questions about dating and the ring and…" he paused as he looked down at the band of gold on his left hand and felt his stomach tighten. "And it was an awkward discussion."

"I'll bet. But only natural right? They see a woman making a play for their dad, only months after their mom died…course it would give him all kinds of new emotions."

"Well I told them it wasn't anything and that was it," Danny insisted as his partner cast him a sympathetic glance. "Can we talk about the case please?"

"Sure."

Danny tried to force himself to listen to his partner present some evidence that actually stalled their current case but all his mind could focus on was if the neighbor would appear again and how he would handle it without becoming rude and who would really be the main cook between them going forward? On the nights Linda worked a night shift, she always left leftovers with instructions or had something cooking in the slow cooker all day – again with instructions. He always wished he had paid more attention or offered to help more but always thought…there would be time. Death wasn't even a consideration. And if that wasn't a consideration then how to deal with the aftermath wasn't even an inkling.

So that night he went home with a determined mind to cook something for his boys – his family that would make Linda proud. Or so he thought. "Okay…I can do this," Danny told himself as he looked at her hand written recipe and instructions. "Preheat oven…that means turn it on," he muttered to himself as he set the desired temperature. "Can't undercook chicken so…so I'll just cook it a bit longer just to be safe," he continued to tell himself as he assembled all the ingredients into the glass casserole dish and then put it into the oven.

"Okay so while that is cooking I can…unpack a bit more," Danny uttered as he hurried upstairs to his new bedroom and then paused in the doorway. "Where the hell do I start," he huffed as he looked at the messy bed with box parts on it and a few clothing articles. _One step at a time…_ he heard his wife's voice prodding him along.

"Right…one box at a time," he repeated as he started to unpack a few things. But it wasn't long before he was so immersed in his task that he forgot about dinner downstairs in the oven until he rushed down only to be met with the fire alarm sounding.

The boys rushed into the kitchen area just as Danny pulled open the oven door and cursed as a plume of acrid smoke instantly assaulted him and raced upward toward the fan opening. Danny grabbed a nearby tea towel and started to bat the smoke away and then quickly pulled the dish out and plopped it onto the counter – all to the delight of his boys.

"Looks great dad," Sean laughed as Danny looked up with a huff.

"Thank you, thank you," Danny retorted in sarcasm as Sean offered his father a mock clap and smile.

"Looks terrible," Jack said seriously as Danny's lips pursed.

"I know it's not your mom's chicken cutlets but it'll do," he insisted as he reached for a pair of tongs and a knife.

"Dad we should just order…Chinese," Jack suggested with a serious expression.

"Why?" Danny countered as he looked back down the culinary monstrosity at his fingertips. "All you need to do is scrape off the burnt stuff and it's as good as new," he insisted as he demonstrated it for them; Jack still looking at him with a less than amused expression but Sean's expression full of amusement.

"Yeah…I like it extra…crispy," Sean chuckled.

"Exactly…." Danny agreed as he picked up a burnt piece and put it on Sean's bare plate. "There you go."

Danny just looked at Sean and then at Jack who surprised him when he pulled his phone and started to take a picture. "What are you doing?"

"Taking a picture for my friends," Jack laughed as Danny tried to swat the phone out of his eldest son's hand.

"What are you going to do with your friends and a picture of burnt chicken?" Danny retorted with a laugh of disbelief of his own.

"Have to," Jack insisted. "A picture is worth a thousand words."

"Send that one to me," Sean requested with a laugh.

"Yeah…a picture is worth a thousand words isn't it," Danny pondered as something from the case suddenly jumped into his head. "You know what…ah…forget the chicken," Danny started in haste as he dropped the burnt meat and utensils back to the plate and then looked at his boys. "I'll pick up some Chinese takeout. But I gotta make a stop…okay," Danny told them as he turned and rushed toward his suit jacket and yanked it on. "Clean out the over and throw the chicken away!" He called out one last instruction as he neared the door.

But just as he pulled it open, he stopped and stared in shock. "Amber? What…are you doing here?"

* * *

 **A/N:** Okay so had to incorporate the few family clips from the show such as them starting a new routine at the pizza place and the burnt dinner scene (loved that!) . And I know the show had the blond nurse who kinda hit on Danny but wanted to introduce an OC for some added emotional tension. I don't think after 6 months he was ready to date but I love Danny angst (and some tense convo's with the boys!) so….please don't all hate me for toying with the idea bit (but am going to try to also keep this as canon as possible) and would love your thoughts so stay tuned and thanks so much!


	7. Wearing ALL the Hats!

**Title: Moving On?**  
 **Chapter 7 – Wearing ALL the Hats!**

 **A/N:** Hey guys! MAJOR winter storms here and sorry this is a bit late but hope you all like this update and are still on board with this story. Thanks and enjoy!

* * *

 _But just as he pulled it open, he stopped and stared in shock. "Amber? What…are you doing here?"_

"I was just walking my dog…I know this might seem odd but I swear I was out and heard the alarm going and just thought I'd check and see if everything was okay. Dad…used to be a Fire Chief so…call it habit," she stammered nervously as two curious faces appeared behind their father a few seconds later.

"I see well…no we're fine," Danny gently smiled. "I uh…burnt the chicken. Left it unattended too long. That's not usually my habit but I was unpacking and it just got away on me. We're fine," Danny replied as he looked down at the antsy dog and then back up the brunette's friendly face. "Thanks for the concern."

"Okay," she replied slowly as Danny turned back to his boys and nodded.

"I'm just going to pick up some take-out," Danny told her as Amber slowly backed up and her and her dog started to walk down the stairs with Danny a few feet behind. "Nice night to be out walking."

"On days when I'm working he hates to be cooped up inside," she answered with a lighter tone as they reached the end of Danny's walk. "Glad…everyone's okay."

"We're okay," Danny stated with a tight lipped smile as the two of them stood face to face at the end of the walk for a few quiet seconds. "Well I need to get the boys dinner."

"Right, yes…of course," she stammered as his brow slightly furrowed. "Danny…"

"My wife died," he interjected suddenly.

Amber's expression instantly changed and Danny wondered if he had done the right thing but he also knew he didn't want to lead her on and he wasn't ready to start dating again. It was just too soon.

"Oh…I'm so sorry…I didn't…I should have asked sooner," she gently scolded herself.

"No I should have mentioned it sooner. It's been six months so I'm uh…still coming to terms with all this. You know…looking after my boys without their mother for the first time so uh…I just didn't want you to think this…might go somewhere."

"Six months…that's still so soon. I'm so sorry but I understand. Thank you for being honest. I mean you could have led me on or something but…but I respect that. A lot," she praised and Danny wondered if she was actually getting the message.

"Okay well…you have a nice night," Danny concluded as he gave her a small nod and then headed for the waiting Jeep. He got in and watched her turn and wave and then looked at his house to see his boys standing in the window and knew when he got home he'd get the third degree.

Which he did.

"Guys…she said she was out for a walk and that was it," Danny replied with a small huff as he looked down at his plate of takeout and prayed that they'd change the subject.

They didn't.

"Would you ever get married again?"

Danny looked up with a somewhat morose expression and then drew his lips into a thin line. "Okay so you know whatever happens, I'll always love your mom right? She'll always hold a special place in my heart and I'm not ever going to forget her. I know this seems sudden and it's…well it is for me too. I haven't had to think about…well…"

"Dating?"

"Yes dating…in…in a while. Makes me nervous."

"Grampa says it's like riding a bike. You never forget," Jack interjected.

"You talk to grampa about dating?"

"Yeah…" Jack replied slowly as Danny's brow furrowed. "Nothing serious I just…well you were always so busy and…I'm not dating anyone. It was just questions," he concluded in haste.

"Okay well…from now on if you have any dating questions or anything…I'm never too busy okay? Moot point because you can't date until you're 50," he added with a small smirk.

"Tell that to Jenna," Sean teased his brother and watched as Jack's face turned red.

"Who's Jenna?" Danny asked in haste as Jack looked over and shrugged. "Come on…don't make me take away your phone or something like that," he lightly threatened as Sean chuckled.

"Okay she's…she wants to go into architecture. You should see what she can draw freehand. It's pretty amazing," Jack gushed as he pulled his phone and showed his father a few Instagram pictures.

"She seems…nice," he mentioned as both boys looked at him. "What? Okay so I'm new to all this…stuff. Okay pack up the leftovers and let's call it a night."

Danny watched as both his boys sprang into action and the kitchen was cleaned about 15 minutes later. As he slowly unpacked a few more boxes, his mind started to race with thoughts about his boys dating…and then possibly getting married? _I need help with this…_ and he knew just where to go.

XXXXXXXX

"Well this is a surprise," Erin commented the following morning as Danny slowly entered her office with a somewhat nervous expression. "Who's door do you need busted down now? Anthony has been itching for some action."

"He's gonna hafta wait," Danny retorted somewhat sourly as he slumped down into the chair before his sister's desk.

"Uh oh… I know that look. What happened?"

"I need help…"

"You're realizing that now?" She tossed back in light sarcasm as he tossed her a dry smile.

"Ha ha…" Danny deadpanned.

"Help with what?"

"Dating…and no not for me before you ask…for the boys."

"Glad you clarified. Danielle down in Property has been asking if you're seeing anyone," Erin smiled as Danny shook his head.

"It's only been six months."

"Some women don't care," Erin shrugged.

"I'm not and I'm not looking…tell her that."

"I did," Erin replied as she looked at her brother in concern. "Jack's dating?"

"He's found a girl he likes and he…okay so he tells me about her and shows me her pictures on his phone and I'm thinking what are they doing when I'm not around and has Linda talked to them about…"

"Sex and protection?"

"Yes that and…they need a mother for this," Danny remarked sadly. "So much stuff I just took for granted. Now…now I'm just lost. I said she looked nice and maybe to bring her by sometime. Was that right? I don't want them to think they can't talk to me and always go to dad for everything but…but what if I say the wrong thing and they run off to Vegas and elope in some damn Elvis-style wedding?"

Erin couldn't help but laugh and that put Danny's agitation somewhat at ease. "First off Jack is too practical for that. Sean? Maybe," she remarked lightly as his brow furrowed. "Just be open and honest with them. Tell the boys they can bring any friends around and when they do…be in the house but not underfoot. Nicki had to earn my trust and so far she's been pretty responsible with her choices and I have to respect that. But even if she makes the wrong one, I cannot shelter her from it or make amends for her – she has to do that. They're adults now so in reality we can't say too much."

"Adults…they're still kids!" Danny insisted as Erin looked at him in sympathy. "Need Linda here for this. She would have known what to say and do."

"Don't sell yourself too short," Erin reminded him warmly. "But if you ever need any more advice…"

"I know…ask Jamie," Danny smirked.

"Exactly," Erin retorted with a smile. "So…how are you doing otherwise?"

Danny told his sister about Amber and then setting up the rest of the house before he knew it was time to take his leave and get to work. But as he left her office, he felt somewhat better and told himself he could get a handle on this single parenting stuff. _Dr. Jenkins was right…family will always be there…_

XXXXXXXX

"Nice to have bankers hours," Baez commented as Danny appeared and slumped down into his desk chair across from her.

"Yeah…had to see Erin about something. Where are we at with the Henderson case?"

"The young girl confessed…you knew that. What has you so distracted?"

"I uh…nothing," Danny huffed as he leaned back in his chair and then looked at his partner with a distressed expression. "The boys are talking about…dating."

"Ah."

"Yeah ah. I am out of my league so went to talk to Erin…see what she did or does with Nicki and if she had any advice. She did."

"Was that because of that neighbor, Amber?"

"No I told her I was widowed and nothing could happen right now and I think the boys heard and…"

"You saw her again?" Baez pressed.

"I was cooking chicken last night when the smoke alarm went off and she happened to be walking by and her dad's a fire chief and she…stopped to check in. Force of habit."

"I'm sure."

"Now what's that?" Danny huffed as Baez returned a dry smile. "She was being…neighborly. But I told her that if she was expecting something…not to. Better than to lead her on right?"

"Right."

"Right," Danny nodded firmly. "But then when I got back with dinner and the boys were talking…Jack mentioned this girl he liked at College. Guess he told Linda because I never heard of her before last night. Sean had. Ha ha jokes on dad," he groaned as Baez looked at him in sympathy. "Just never thought I'd have to do this alone you know?"

"You're not alone," she wisely reminded him.

"I know…dad and sis but not the same as having someone at home they can confide in…talk to about…you know stuff," he shook his head as he leaned forward and opened the file on his desk. He paused and then looked back up at his partner with a heavy frown. "Just don't want to screw up you know?"

"You have a great support system," Baez stated as he nodded in agreement.

"Plus they keep asking for stuff," he groaned as her expression softened. "Too early to tell them to get after school jobs?"

She wasn't sure if he was just making small talk, pondering or if he truly wanted an answer so just waited for a few seconds until he raised his brows. "What age did you start working?"

"Birth," he retorted dryly. "Okay…now we gotta do some real work," he huffed as she leaned over the desk and opened the file that was still closed before him. "Thank you," he shot back in sarcasm.

"You're welcome," she answered and then launched into a few more case details. He told himself he had to get his mind on the case…on the job and give it his full attention as he was paid to do. And for the next few hours it worked. But it wasn't during working hours that he doubted himself or his professional abilities – it was when he was home, alone, with his boys that he doubted his parenting abilities; most notably the worry that he'd someone send them both off into the wrong future and be the one to blame after all the hard work his wife had done.

"You sure you're gonna be okay tonight?"

"Yeah…I told the boys to try to get some recipe hacks from Erin."

"Hashtag first timer?" Baez teased.

"Yeah ha ha. You got anything to add? Can _you_ even cook?" Danny teased his partner right back.

"Okay Mr. Smarty Pants since you're offering me a dare…" Baez started as she pulled her phone and then his started to buzz. "Here is one of my favorite go to's…"

"Alright," he muttered as he opened the text and then started to scroll. "Seems…kinda…easy," he started and then stopped as he looked up with pursed lips.

"Just the first part. And yes it's easy. Even _you_ can make it," she assured him with a bit of sarcasm.

"Okay but if you hear of a fire on my street you'll know who's to blame."

"Lemme know tomorrow how it goes."

"Alright and when it's perfected…might even have you drop by. You know…if you have no plans."

"Think the boys would be okay with it?" She countered lightly.

"They know you, course it'd be okay," Danny shrugged as he stood up and grabbed his coat. "Tonight…sandwiches," he huffed as she laughed. "Better than Chinese."

"Not if it doesn't kill you," she said as he turned to leave.

"I heard that," he tossed back with a smirk before he headed for the front door and then outside into the cool night air. He cursed the cold and wished more than anything that he'd be going home to a warm home cooked meal made by his loving wife. Danny checked the ingredient list on his phone for the recipe that his partner had given him just to make sure he had all the necessary ingredients and when he assured himself that he had he headed for home.

He thought about the day's events and what happened with anger and then getting a bit of an odd vibe from his partner. But he brushed it off as her own morbid curiosity and told himself that his own personal life was now on hold as it was his boys that he needed to concentrate on.

"Okay…here goes," he huffed in a whisper as he got out of his Jeep and headed into his home.

* * *

 **A/N:** oh poor Danny but in Amber's defense can't really blame her! Hehe I too like the idea of Danny and Baez and we'll see what happens on the show but just wanted to tease a few avenues and am so glad you my dear readers weren't mad with the Amber teasing – just opened up more Danny angst and we all love that! But will Danny's current plan succeed? And if he does go back to see his doctor will that go according to plan also? Please do review and thanks so much!


	8. A Tough Detour

**Title: Moving On?**  
 **Chapter 8 – A Tough Detour**

 **A/N:** THANKS so much everyone who has reviewed and supported this story so far means a lot and I hope you like this update just as much!

* * *

"Sean, come on! You're gonna be late!" Danny called out early the next morning as he started to pack his youngest son's backpack in an attempt to help get him out the door faster. But when Sean walked in with a very downcast expression Danny's lips slightly pursed until he remembered something Linda used to do – try to turn it around with a challenge. _Just…go for it…_

"I have an idea," Danny started as Sean looked up with a huff. "Whoever has the better day gets to choose the take out tonight."

Normally his youngest would be all over the challenge and even toss back some kind of sarcastic glib but this time it didn't really seem to faze him much. "Yeah sure…alright," Sean replied somewhat nonchalantly and then went back to doing what he was doing before – avoiding eye contact with his father.

Having been a cop for too many years and facing those that had something to hide or weren't offering everything in truth he instantly switched from dad mode to cop mode. "Something wrong?" Danny inquired as he took the backpack and neared his son.

"Not really," Sean replied a bit too fast for Danny's liking. Danny dropped the bag on the table and walked up to his son with a determined expression. This time he knew not to ask or say anything further but to just give him a look that said… _I mean business so tell me now._ And Sean did. But he wasn't quite prepared for the question his youngest would ask.

"Dad…why did she have to die and not you?" Sean asked with an expression that was part wonder and part remorse.

Danny's heart sunk and so did his expression and he could immediately tell that his son felt bad for asking.

"I didn't mean it like that," Sean offered with a small frown as Danny's lips pursed. "You and Uncle Jamie have the dangerous jobs…" Sean's words rushed from his lips as Danny nodded in acknowledgement and quickly interjected.

"But…nobody ever warned you that your mom might not make it home from work one day," Danny stated flatly as Sean's face crunched a bit but he was forced to verbally agree.

"Yeah," he stated in a somber tone.

"Look…" Danny started with a sharp intake of air, "if I could…change it and bring your mom back…" he paused as he looked down and then up at his son with a pensive expression. "I would. But…I can't," he was forced to resign. "So you're stuck with me kiddo," he tried to add on a lighter note. "Because I'm not going anywhere," he added with a small shrug. "Okay?"

"'Kay…" Sean reluctantly agreed.

"Come on…get out of here…you're gonna be late."

"Bye."

"Have a good day," Danny added as Sean grabbed his bag and headed for the front door and then disappeared outside. He remained in place for a few moments as his heart and mind both started to race at a higher speed. He knew his boys were still hurting over their mother's death and while he thought they had broached all the tough subjects together, he never thought this was something they were thinking. Was it because of the recent attention from outside females? A painful reminder that their mother was gone and there was a possibility that some strange woman would now be taking away their father's affection? Or was it actual resentment that he was still alive and their mother was gone? The one parent that was there for them, always, no matter what? As soon as they were old enough, he recalled Linda telling them about the horrible possibility all cops families live with of getting that one call…or that one knock on the door that would change things forever. But this was something none of them foresaw or anticipated so of course they didn't talk to the boys about it. It wasn't supposed to happen.

"Damn it," Danny cursed as he grabbed his coat and headed for the door. He responded to a call on the way and hoped that work would help clear away the resentment that now ate at his inner being. It wouldn't.

"Hey…surprised I beat you here," Baez lightly gloated as she watched Danny approach the apartment building their latest case would take place in.

"Traffic was bad," Danny replied somewhat absently. Normally he'd be the first one to ask his partner why she was coming for a different direction than her house or the precinct but today didn't start out normally.

"Yeah but I was coming from uptown. Where a certain vice detective lives," she tried to bait him.

"Sounds fun," Danny answered offhandedly. Again, normally he'd be all into the juicy details and had his mind and perhaps even his heart come down from the cloud of resentment he'd have felt a few pangs of jealousy. Not today.

"Wow…seriously, you don't want to know all the juicy details?" Baez retorted in shock.

"I'm glad you had a good time…okay?" Danny shot back with a fake smile.

"Ok-ay…" Baez's lips pursed as she looked at Danny in concern. "What's going on with you?"

"Nothing's going on with me," Danny insisted.

"Reagan I know you and I know when something's eating at you."

"If you know me, you'd know that when I say there's nothing wrong, there's nothing wrong," he huffed as she held his gaze as they got into the elevator and went up. "What?"

"Not buying," Baez insisted. "You know I'm gonna ask you again. Maybe next time you'll have a better answer."

Danny offered her a small scoff but knew he'd be in trouble because by the end of the day his actions were more than noticeable to his partner.

"What was that back there?"

"What?" Danny countered as Baez scooted in front of him and then stopped and looked at him directly.

"Normally you'd have no trouble rushing in where angels fear to tread but today you quoted protocol. One minute you blow cold and then next you're red hot. What's going on?"

"I just…bad night," Danny huffed as he looked at his partner with a small frown. "But the recipe turned out pretty good."

"Pretty good?" Baez arched her dark brows. "Did you follow it exactly?"

"Almost…it was pretty good," Danny offered her a smile as he pulled away.

"Danny…"

"I'm okay…I just need…I need tonight to be better."

With that he turned and walked away, his mind boiling over with emotional distress but enough of a little voice inside that told him that there was only one place he needed to be right now.

XXXXXXXX

"Hope you don't mind doc," Danny greeted Dr. Jenkins as he entered his office later that same night.

"I usually keep the last hour of the day opened for the NYPD."

"Smart man," Danny smirked as he slumped down into a nearby chair and exhaled heavily.

"So…what's going on Danny?"

"My son wants me dead," he stated bluntly as Dr. Jenkins looked at him in mild amusement.

"Really," he stated dryly as Danny's lips pursed. "Lemme guess…you found out he used his allowance to hire a hitman?"

"No," Danny groaned. "Sean…he asked why his mom had to die…instead of me."

"That must have felt like a punch to the gut."

"Yeah…big time," Danny sighed as he leaned forward and rubbed his face and then rested his elbows on his knees. "After that…all I heard in my head was his voice asking me if I was next and he'd be an orphan. I couldn't…it just took me by surprise and now it's all I can think about."

"His reaction is natural and so is yours."

"So we're both right and wrong?"

"Sort of," Dr. Jenkins lightly chuckled at Danny's tone. "You didn't expect Sean to ask that out of the blue so it's only natural to wonder if they loved Linda more and wished she was here instead of you. Sean's motivation for asking is not because he doesn't love you…he's scared to lose you too. And your reaction today was fear of leaving your sons to fend for themselves without a natural parent."

"Just wish I had seen it coming…something. He's…he's usually open about a lot of stuff but this…had no warning on it."

"Emotional stress triggers can come from anywhere. Maybe someone at school said something, maybe he saw it on TV, maybe he and his brother were talking…maybe it's just in him. It's not wrong for him to feel that way. Of course, if it continues and you sense an ill-will toward you in the coming weeks then you and him have to have a serious heart to heart and clear it up."

"I just don't want to let them down. I feel like I've done that enough before Linda passed," Danny admitted quietly.

"That's your own inner emotions. These are all new feelings Danny, for you and them. They have never been through this before and neither have you. But, you're trying your best and they know that. I'm sure they see that. You told me you try to be home more or at least at more reasonable hours. You try to eat all your dinners together and you've been to a few events for your boys that are important to them. You can't give them what you don't have – perfection."

"Linda was," Danny offered in a choked whisper as Dr. Jenkins offered him a kind smile. "I just wish I could do things…better."

"I think you're doing a great job but if you really wanna know just ask them. Sit down one night over pizza at home or whatever and ask them. How is the homemaking coming?"

"It's good. Got a friendly neighbor who…yeah we're okay."

"Who?"

"She dropped by to…tell me she was interested and the boys saw and asked me about it."

"Ah and now with this woman coming around…"

"No no I stopped it. I told her that nothing can happen. It's too soon," Danny interjected in haste.

"In any case it's awakened new emotions in the boys and that could also have been behind Sean's question."

"What do you mean?"

"If Linda was here they wouldn't have to worry about another woman trying to take her place."

"Now wait a sec…" Danny tried to protest.

"In your mind you know you're not replacing her, but the boys don't know that. You need to have a very candid conversation with them. Tell them what you're feeling and ask them what they're feeling. See if Sean's resentment resurfaces or if he hears what you have to say or if he's satisfied."

"I tried to tell him," Danny started and then stopped. "I'm not good at talking."

"Oh I know _that_ ," Dr. Jenkins retorted with a smile as Danny's expression softened. "You're doing just fine Danny. And as for your own inner securities only you can come to terms with that on your own. Talking about it is a good start. To me and also to yourself."

"Talking to myself? Won't that earn me a trip to a padded room?" Danny retorted in sarcasm.

"Now you sound like you," Dr. Jenkins smiled. "But when you do, be honest. And when life changes for you…in whatever way it does for you personally share it with your boys and let them be a part of it. You'll find that if you do, you'll have more inner peace and things will be more settled between you and the boys."

"I just…I don't want to leave them all alone."

"As you well know, even those not in high risk jobs are guaranteed safety. That thought you need to put out of your mind and don't focus on what could happen but focus on the time you have with them each day you're with them."

"I can do that."

"I know you can," Dr. Jenkins smiled. "So…now tell me about this neighbor."

Danny stayed with Dr. Jenkins until the end of the hour and then went home with a lighter heart and mind. He had some serious thinking to do but it was worth it – his boys were worth it. It was too late for a serious heart to heart that night so when he entered his home he was content to see Sean in the living room watching TV and his place setting all laid out on the table.

"Where's Jack?"

"Upstairs doing…something," Sean replied as Danny came and joined him on the couch. "I feel bad about what I said earlier," Sean told him in remorse.

"Never feel bad about telling me the truth okay," Danny started his mind more settled thanks to his conversation with Dr. Jenkins. "Besides…you made me think about some things I probably should have thought about a long time ago," he confessed with a small sigh.

"Like what?" Sean inquired.

"Like…if you and your brother think me being a cop is too dangerous…"

"I don't want you to quit," Sean interjected in haste as Danny looked at him in surprise. "I want you to be safe."

"Okay," Danny nodded before he continued. "But from now on you and your brother do get a vote, alright? Everything will be a family decision. Because that's what we are and that's what we'll always be. A family. You, me, your brother and your mom, God rest her soul."

"Think she'd like that," Sean stated softly as Danny agreed. "So…how was work?"

Danny could hear less edge in Sean's tone and felt himself exhale for the first time since he entered. A few seconds later Jack entered and he started to tell them about the basketball star that was murdered as he made himself a plate of food and then plunked down on the couch, his sons on the floor, and then continued with his story. And that night he went to bed without the fear he had carried with him throughout most of the day.

XXXXXXXX

Danny walked into the precinct the next morning eager to find his partner and give her at least a small explanation as to why he was so "off" the day before. "You were right."

Baez looked at him in shock as his lips slightly pursed but she kept silent and wait for him to finish.

"I've been screwed up in the head lately and it's put me on the back foot and I should have told you but I didn't so…I'm sorry," he concluded as they reached their desks and he stopped walking.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Baez coaxed a bit more.

"Pretty sure I just talked about it," Danny retorted dryly as she shook her head.

"I guess a few drops from a stone is progress," Baez retorted in sarcasm as Danny looked at her with a small frown. "You know you can trust me with anything right?"

"Yeah but it's not easy to talk about. Sean just asked something yesterday that caught me off guard is all," Danny explained a bit more.

"About your neighbor?"

"No," Danny replied as he looked at her in wonder. "About other things," he quickly qualified. "So…your recipe turned out pretty good."

"Nice subject change," she lightly teased as he offered her a shrug and sheepish smile. "How'd it turn out really?"

"Could use some work," Danny resigned in resignation. "Or…maybe you could…come and show us how it's done?"

"What?"

"Nothing major. The boys know you…nothing too exciting. Just…up to you," Danny stammered somewhat nervously as he looked at his partner with a small frown. "They know so so pretty sure it'd be okay."

"You look like you could use some help," Baez replied simply as his smile grew. "What time?"

* * *

 **A/N:** So once again tried to go back and use specific scenes between Danny and Sean that would help interject a bit more show canon into this story and hope you all liked it. And I do like the idea of Danny/Baez so might keep hinting at that if everyone is okay with it. I do miss Linda but I have to say I think this is one of my fave seasons so far! So as always would love your thoughts so please do review before you go (b/c I'm always nervous as to what you guys think of the current direction) and thanks so much!


	9. New Feelings? Old Habits?

**Title: Moving On?**  
 **Chapter 9 – New Feelings? Old Habits?**

* * *

It was his partner. She had been to his house before. She had had dinner with his small family before. She had met his wife. She had met his kids. It should be no big deal but when Danny reached home that night his mind was filled with new anxious feelings and worry.

"Guys!" Danny called out as soon as he entered his home later that night. "Front and center!"

"Hey."

"What's going on?"

"Maria is on her way here to hel…"

"Who?"

"Another neighbor?"

"My partner," Danny groaned as both boys looked at the other and then back at him. "She has a first name you know."

"Sure."

"Course."

"But why?"

"Apparently she thinks I need a bit of help…with some recipes."

"You do."

"Yeah big time."

"Okay already," Danny huffed as both boys snickered. "She's my partner so…"

"So what?" Jack prodded.

"So I just didn't want it to be weird or…look I told you I would try to be more open so…so I just wanted you to know."

"That's okay dad," Sean stated.

"Yeah we like Baez. She's cool."

"Yeah…she is," Danny replied with a smile as he dismissed his boys. He quickly looked around to make sure that everything was in place before he gave himself a bit of a headshake. _It's my partner…she's just coming to…this isn't a date or…damn…_ but as he took a deep breath he told himself that Linda would approve and everything would be fine.

 _What the hell am I doing…_ his brain chided inside as he paused in his light cleanup and then looked at a picture of him and Linda on the fridge. "What am I doing?"

But he didn't have time to wonder for long as there was a knock at the door and he hurried to open it.

"Remembered you said you don't do late nights with the boys on a school night," Baez commented as she entered his new home.

"Gotta keep to a good routine," Danny remarked with a hint of nervousness in his tone. "So…"

"You okay? You seem nervous…it's me or…or did they boys not want…"

"No it's me…I'm just…first time with someone other than Linda….their mom in the kitchen so…but it's okay, all good. They know you."

"How are they?"

"Few little bouts here and there but uh…I mean it's only been a few weeks since we moved in here so still trying to adjust to…well everything."

"I meant with tonight?"

"Yeah fine…cool," Danny offered in haste as Baez looked at him in sympathy. "Or did you mean about the other stuff?"

"Glad about tonight and as for the other stuff, that's typical right? I mean all part of the process?"

"Yeah…just wish it was easier," Danny replied as his anxiety started to calm down a bit. "So what do we do first?"

"Okay so…" Baez started as she directed Danny to grab whatever ingredients were on the list and then assemble them on the counter. "Use one and then put it away."

"Yeah that clean as you go thing…dad taught me that also. Mostly because grampa always had to clean the kitchen," Danny tossed back as Baez laughed. "So what happ…" he started just as Sean's face appeared in the living room. "Hey kid…you know Baez right?"

"Hey yeah…course, hi," Sean offered as he neared the kitchen but hung back a few meters.

"Hey Sean," Baez greeted warmly. "Wanna help with dinner?"

"Uh…sure," he shrugged as he looked at his father who nodded in agreement. "What can I do?"

"Sure you can set the table. And where's your brother?"

"Finishing up his project. It's due tomorrow."

Danny listened while his partner and son made small talk and since he didn't hear any anxiety in his son's tone it too helped alleviate whatever was left in his system.

"Okay so what do I do next?" Danny asked as he put a few items back in the fridge.

"Dad, why don't you let her do it? Did you say it's her dish?"

"Yeah but if she makes it then what good will I be when I try to make it next time?"

"Ah."

"So just do something and…and hey put the phone away," Danny growled in a mock huff as he snatched his son's phone as Sean just laughed and tried to take it back. "Nothing gets posted about this," Danny concluded as he looked at his partner who had their back to them and then back to his son who finally got the message – it was okay when it was just the three of them but with Baez there they had to respect a bit more personal privacy.

"Something smells good," Jack commented as he finally joined them. "Dad made that?" He asked in surprise when the baked pasta casserole was pulled out of the oven. "Looks…edible."

"Ha ha funny," Danny deadpanned as he playfully slapped his son on the head. "Baez made it."

"Oh right….looks great!"

"You better be that enthusiastic about it next time when I make it," Danny gently warned.

"We will if we're still alive after eating it," Sean laughed as he and his brother high-fived each other and Danny just shook his head.

"Alright…let's sit down and…" he stated as there was a knock at the door. "Yeah hold on…" he paused as he hurried to open it.

"Should we eat on paper plates?"

"Funny," Danny laughed as he pulled open the door and stared at a familiar face. "Amber? What uh…what's going on?"

"I remember the last time we talked that…" she stopped when she saw Baez come into view and then looked at Danny with a small frown. "Oh… _company_."

"Amber…"

"Right I just…I remember you said you needed some easy recipes so…I brought some but uh…goodnight," she stammered as she shoved the recipe cards into Danny's hand and then looked once more at Baez and turned and left.

"She…neighbor."

"You told me. Sorry if I…ruined a moment," Baez gently apologized as his boys looked on in wonder.

"No, no moment. I told her that nothing was going to happen so…so maybe she'll take the hint now. Okay so…ready to eat?"

"Starved."

"Yes! Smells great!"

The four of them sit down at the table and then pause as both boys look at their father for direction. "Do what you normally do," Baez told them in haste.

"Hold hands and say grace," Jack mentioned.

"We can do it without the hand holding," Danny quickly qualified as he noticed his partner relax. Once again as soon as he sat down his stomach was tied in nasty little knots but about ten minutes into dinner, they started to subside thanks in part to the meal and his boys and how they interacted with his partner – natural. He expected that as they had been around her before but this was the first time without Linda there so he feared it would be strained. And it was at first. But then it evened out and he was able to enjoy the rest of the evening.

"Don't think I'll be able to make it as good next time," Danny praised as he and his partner sat around the dinner table about half hour later while his boys played a video game in the living room.

"Just…follow the instructions. I know you know how to read," she gently teased.

"My secret is out," he smiled as he took another sip of wine.

"Ohh tuna casserole," Baez read the cards that the helpful neighbor Amber had dropped off.

"She was just being nice."

"Uh huh…" Baez teased as Danny shook his head.

"So Linda had made these chicken cutlets. I've tried to make them…"

"Twice!" Sean interjected loudly as Danny just shook his head.

"Okay fine…have tried to make them twice and each time they were a little…"

"Burnt!"

"Okay enough from the peanut section in the living room!" Danny warned as his boys laughed.

"They burnt. I'd like to make them for my family for Sunday dinner and I just…" he paused as he pulled out a very well used recipe card. "Need a few pointers."

Baez hesitated before she took it and then looked over at the boys who watched and then quickly turned back to their video game. "Sounds like a great recipe."

"It is and when she made them…they were amazing but I just…do I need to change anything or…"

"No, everything in here looks pretty good. Maybe watch cooking time and do you have a meat thermometer?"

"A what?" Danny asked in wonder as Baez laughed. "That's a no. Alright I'll get one of those…anything else?"

They talked a bit longer before both boys called it a night and Baez knew she too had to take her leave and keep things respectable for her partner and his family.

"Thanks again for coming…dinner was great," Danny told his partner as they lingered by the door as she prepared to leave.

"It was fun…think you're doing a great job with them," Baez nodded in the direction of the boy's bedrooms.

"Well if I am it's a miracle," Danny smiled as she pulled on her coat and then stepped outside.

"See you tomorrow."

"Yeah…goodnight."

He watched her take her leave and then closed the door and looked toward the now cleaned kitchen and couldn't help but smile. The evening was relaxed and concluded without any issues. Amber…well he didn't expect that and he hoped that now since she saw Baez there would think he was dating someone and just continue on with her life without thinking he'd be a part of it.

That night he went to bed with a bit less anxiety, especially when he thought about the tips that his partner had given him about making his wife's favorite dish for Sunday family dinner.

However, the next morning would once again bring new troubles and he would learn that he needed to cherish the happy moments when they came.

"Hey…how ya doing," Danny greeted Sean early the next morning as he finished up the boys lunches.

"I'm hungry. Got any cereal?"

"Yeah Cheerios. Bowls are in the cabinet, help yourself," Danny replied with a small smirk as Sean stomped past him. _Normal last night and now…what's going on…_

"Mom used to get it for me," Sean growled as Danny neared with a rolled paper bag that held his lunch.

"Ok-ay," Danny gently muttered as he handed Sean his lunch. "I'm not your mom," he stated pointedly to which Sean retorted, "no kidding."

"What are you getting at kid? What's bothering you?" Danny asked with a small groan as Sean finished what he was doing and looked at his father.

"Mom didn't have to have to get me cereal but she did. She didn't have to put little notes in my lunch but she did. She didn't have to plan our family vacations, but she did," Sean literally spat as he turned and faced Danny with a heated expression. "Meanwhile, I've asked you like five times if we can get a basketball hoop for this house…still don't have one," Sean sneered as he shoved his lunch into his bag, grabbed it and stormed toward the front door and then outside.

"Great," Danny groaned as he pinched the bridge of his nose. With his mood now soured he grabbed his coat and headed toward the front door and outside; hoping that he'd get a good case to distract him.

XXXXXXXX

"Happy to see you too partner," Baez greeted Danny about half hour later as he brushed past her without so much as a hello and then stopped.

"Sorry…ah just got into it with Sean again this morning. Damn…kid's hot and cold. One morning he's all chipper and happy and the next he's biting my head off for something. I'm doing the best I can and he makes me feel like…pretty good on the guilt trip."

"You shouldn't blame yourself for feeling guilty that Linda's not here. You are doing the best you can and they'll see that."

"Yeah well…when I hear all these things from Sean it's a little too late for that. I can't help but feel guilty. And keeps bringing up…"

"Bringing up what?"

"Basketball hoop. He doesn't get things cost money," Danny gently groaned. "Okay…let's worry about the case," Danny stated as they neared the nursing station at the hospital they were called to. And while he'd be thankful that the case would distract him, in the back of his mind that heated discussion with Sean would play out over and over until he had firm resolve to at least one of the things his son had mentioned. _My kid can pour his own cereal and I don't to sticky notes but…but I think I can do the last thing…just need some help…_

And as Dr. Jenkins words came back to him, he knew he had all the help he could get. His family. He just hoped after he did this little thing that the verbal comparisons would stop.

"So…come up with a plan?" Baez asked after their case had drawn to a close.

"Yeah…I'm going shopping."

"Shopping?" She arched her brows in wonder. "Should I ask?"

"Basketball hoop."

"Toys R Us?" Baez snickered as Danny pursed his lips.

"Yeah well you'll see how good it works when I beat your ass on the court."

But as soon as he said those words he stopped and looked at her with a small frown. _Did I just ask her over…again?_

* * *

 **A/N:** Okay so in this eppy it had the Sean/Danny discussion about the comparison but it also had the blond nurse who was attracted to Danny and I started this with an OC Amber before this eppy so am not going to bring her into this b/c I think that's too many women to keep track of haha hope that's okay with everyone and I also want to keep the Danny/Baez hints up as the show is doing until we know what actually happens in this season. But maybe Danny's conflicted thoughts will earn him another shrink visit? Please do review with your thoughts before you go and thanks so much!


	10. Promises Kept

**Title: Moving On?**  
 **Chapter 10 – Promises Kept**

 **A/N:** Hey everyone! So glad everyone is still liking this little take on this season! I am a bit torn b/c I do love Danny and Maria together but wanted to keep this story following the show a bit so am gonna continue to hint at them like the show does and then might do another standalone with them as a couple after this one (but too much on my plate right now so not able to go over my two current stories) and hope that's okay! Don't wanna disappoint anyone but I gotta keep myself in check here

* * *

"Something smells good," Erin praised as she and Danny stood in the kitchen on Sunday night just before their weekly family dinner.

"Not burnt…yet," Danny retorted as Erin looked at him with a kind smile.

"Any more blowouts with the kids?"

"Sean…basketball hoop. He's right…he keeps asking and asking and…and I just haven't had time," Danny huffed as he recalled talking to Baez about his plight. "Trouble is…damn things are so expensive."

"You can buy one of those ones you assemble yourself," Erin reminded him with a friendly smile. "You want me to go with you?"

"I uh…" he paused as he thought back to his last discussion with his partner.

 _"Yeah…I'm going shopping."_

 _"Shopping?" She arched her brows in wonder. "Should I ask?"_

 _"Basketball hoop."_

 _"Toys R Us?" Baez snickered as Danny pursed his lips._

 _"Yeah well you'll see how good it works when I beat your ass on the court."_

And then when he realized that he had just asked her over again, he pulled back as he didn't want to make it seem like he was being too personal or make it awkward for his boys.

 _"Well if you need some shopping pointers…" Baez suggested._

"Danny?" Erin interrupted his thoughts.

"Yeah…talked to Baez about it but she said to just suck it up and buy a damn net already."

"She's right," Erin agreed.

"I've never…I told her…I'll tell you the same…Linda always did that kinda stuff. I don't know what to buy. We had one but it was always just there. Out last one…I came home from work one day and it was there. And of course Sean spouts off about all the things mom did for them and that I don't…I just…"

"We'll go right after work tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?"

"Yeah, tomorrow," Erin told him firmly. "Can't you get off work a bit early?"

"Can you?"

"I'll just get Anthony to handle whatever needs handling."

"Yeah, he's pretty handy," Danny tossed in sarcasm as Erin rolled her eyes. "Okay fine. But who's going to put it together us?"

"Well last time I checked we both can read," Erin shot back as they heard one of the boys heading their way and the talk instantly changed to dinner. A few minutes later they were all seated around the dinner table and talking about a case that Jamie had endured and the talk about the basketball hoop was almost dropped. And he was glad that his boys hadn't brought up the fact that his partner had joined them for dinner.

At least…not yet.

"Just wanted to say Uncle Danny these chicken cutlets are pretty good," Nicki piped up with a big smile.

"I agree," Frank smiled. "What did you to?"

"Me? Put it in the oven and prayed," Danny retorted with a grin as everyone chuckled. However, fate was about to hand him a rather seemingly innocent curveball.

"Maybe after you put into practice Maria's tips," Sean snickered as the family instantly stopped and looked at the youngest Reagan in wonder; Danny slightly shaking his head as Erin looked at her brother in wonder.

"Maria? Thought it was Amber?" Erin inquired as Danny's lips pursed.

"Thought you said it was Evelyn or something in your office."

"Okay already," Danny huffed as his father looked at him in amusement.

"Who's Maria?" Henry asked.

"Who's Amber?" Nicki asked next.

"Who's Evelyn?"

"Does everyone forget that my partner does have a first name?" Danny shot back as he glared at his son.

"What?" Sean shrugged. "She did help you when she came over…for dinner…" he paused and then stopped. "I'll stop now."

"Who started this?" Danny growled.

"Sean did," Jack snickered as his brother hit his shoulder.

"My partner came over for dinner and helped with a few things because I wanted to make Linda's favorite dish for family dinner and as for Amber she came over when Baez was there and…and I think she finally got the hint. Okay? Everyone okay with me getting a few pointers from my partner?"

"Sure."

"Course."

"Yup."

"So how was dinner?" Nicki pushed with a wide grin as Danny looked at her with a frown.

"Dinner was good."

"Yeah Maria is cool."

"And she can cook really well," Sean added to Jack's comment as Frank's brow gently furrowed.

"Alright…so back to Jamie's case," Danny offered weakly as Jamie offered his brother a look of sympathy and then quickly changed the subject; much to Danny's relief.

"Didn't mean to embarrass you back there," Frank commented to his son as he entered the quiet kitchen about a half hour after family dinner; Danny's turn to clean up.

"Ah figured one of the kids would bring it up sometime. Baez…no big deal."

"And Amber?" Frank questioned.

"I think she took the hint when she saw Baez at the table with the boys. Kinda glad too. I mean it's my partner so…"

"So…?" Frank pushed as Danny looked up with arched brows.

"What?"

"Nothing," Frank said as Danny leaned back on the dishwasher and looked at his father square on. "I figured it was better to be honest. I had already told her no…and then she came over so…so maybe this was a better hint."

"And the boys were okay with it?"

"I mean it's not like they haven't been around Baez before so…yeah they were okay with it and she helped a lot with the food and stuff. That's what I wanted. She's been great since Linda died so…" Danny rattled off before he stopped and looked at his father with a small frown. "Boys say anything to you?"

"Not about that but it's still fairly new. I'm sure when you start dat…"

"When?" Danny's brows instantly shot up.

"If?" Frank countered as Danny's lips pursed.

"What? You and Grampa didn't get remarried."

"You're a lot younger than we were," Frank reminded his son. "I'm just saying…if…when…no matter what happens and if the boys want to talk about it, I'm sure they'll say something."

"I told them they could come to me with anything," Frank assured his father. "Even…look I'm not ready yet or just…I don't know okay?"

"Don't tell yourself anything just yet. Let…nature take its course."

"Right…"

"But always remember…if there is more than one heart getting emotionally involved that could be dangerous…especially if one sided."

Danny watched his father take his leave and then felt his shoulders sag as he leaned against the counter. Course he knew his father was right but having Baez around felt…comfortable. He had known her for so long now it seemed that he just took it for granted that… _that what? You also like having her around_ his brain aptly reminded him. So just to be safe he confirmed with his sister that he'd go with her shopping for a new hoop for their backyard and then invite his partner over to see his handiwork instead of getting her too involved.

 _You're so screwed_ his inner voice told him as he could only groan in agreement.

XXXXXXXX

"You look a bit more refreshed this morning."

"Chicken cutlets were a big hit so thank you."

"Happy to hear it," Baez replied as Danny plunked himself down in his desk chair opposite her. "And the hoop?"

"Erin found a deal so we're going to pick it up today…and then hopefully we can set it up so that it'll work."

"So then Erin will be doing the reading and directing," Baez retorted as his lips pursed. "You know men and directions."

"So I've heard," Danny groaned as his phone rang. "Reagan…yeah we'll be right there."

He was thankful for a quick call as the last thing he wanted was to put any kind of emotional obligation on his partner but at the same time he felt a bit of guilt because he did infer that she'd be there to at least play one game with them. "Wouldn't want you to play with a broken hoop or anything," he added with a small smirk to which she looked over and smiled. And the rest of the day passed by with just work talk and he wondered if maybe he had soured things between them and that might hurt their friendship and partnership. Unlike Amber, whom he didn't care if he told off or let her down hard, Baez was his partner whom, he liked and respected and had to work with on a daily basis.

"Baez…" Danny started as they neared the end of their shift; Danny wanting to end a bit earlier than normal to go shopping.

"Don't keep Erin waiting. Boys are counting on you," she told him with a friendly smile.

"Right. See you tomorrow."

"You will."

And the guilt that he had at the start of the day started to subside so that by the time he met up with his sister they were able to just focus on the task at hand – buying the hoop apparatus and setting it up before his boys got home. "Surprised you actually agreed to leaving early to come get this," Erin commented as they loaded up the large item into his jeep and then headed for his new home.

"Baez can handle whatever comes in. She knows to grab one of the guys and not go alone," Danny assured his sister as they neared his back yard. But when he heard silence he looked over in wonder. "What? Trust me I'm not going to get into trouble."

"No, I think it's great that your partner has been so supportive as of late."

"Late? She always has been," Danny quickly qualified as he stopped the Jeep and looked at her square on. "What's going on? Tell me."

"Just wondering if…more than work feelings are involved?"

"She's my partner."

"I'm just saying," Erin reminded him as they got out of the Jeep started to carry parts into Danny's modest back yard.

"She's safe to be around okay? Besides…sometimes I just need…you know what? Never mind…let's get this damn thing built before the boys come home."

"A woman's input?" Erin interjected as she reached for the instructions. "Seriously? You're going to try to put this together without reading these first?"

"Wouldn't be the first time," Danny retorted in sarcasm. "And okay fine…yes sometimes a woman's input and when you're not around…look I trust her judgement. She's my partner and my friend. Is there anything wrong with that?"

"Nothing," Erin answered kindly. "And how are the boys with her…being there…?"

"It's not like she's at the house every day. They know she's my partner and I think because their mom knew and liked her then it… what?"

"Just…be careful."

"Dad said the same thing. I'm being careful," Danny insisted as his shoulders tensed. "Can we please get started on this?"

"Okay."

"Okay so what do we do first?"

"Well…"

And about an hour later, and just in the nick of time, Danny looked at the completed basketball hoop with a proud smile. "There…perfect," he stated as he tugged on the net to make sure and then tossed the ball to his sister. "Give it a try."

"Okay…let's test this out," Erin stated as she lined up the ball. The ball bounced in the air and almost gave off the impression it was going to bounce into the neighbor's yard but didn't; instead it swooshed down into the net and bounced on the floor. Erin offered a happy cry while Danny called out, "ah luck…"

And before any more sibling banter could ensue Jack and Sean round the corner and stop short. "What's going on here?" Jack asked in haste.

"Hey guys," Erin greeted with a warm smile.

"You bought it!" Sean exclaimed excitedly.

"Promises kept!" Danny started to tell his boys, "I may not have some of your mother's skills but I can build a regulation basketball hoop with my bare hands and I didn't even need to read the manual," he concluded as Erin shot him a dirty look of disdain.

"Because _**I**_ read the instructions," she reminded him firmly as he snatched the ball from her hands and then bounced it and dunked it into the net while his boys watched with happy faces.

"Those are fighting words," Sean and Erin stated at the same time as Danny laughed.

"Okay…two on two…"

"Team Erin!" Jack called out as he high fived his aunt.

"Well…you're a girl so…that's actually one and a half on two," Danny goaded as Erin charged him, grabbed the ball and then proceeded to slam dunk it.

"Hey dad…think Maria will like this?" Sean asked suddenly with a happy smile. And in that moment, his mind recalled what Erin said as his sister looked at him and he knew…he now treaded unfamiliar and dangerous ground. He thought that it was only two hearts that could be involved…now it might be his sons also. And that…worried him.

* * *

 **A/N:** so wanted to get the dinner scene in but expand upon it b/c I was like…Danny burnt it one day and then it was perfect for the next family dinner? Hmm and then kept the basketball setup scene canon but then added a bit more Baez hints into the family mix. Thoughts? Please do let me know before you go and thanks!

 **PS:** ugh the site last weekend was broken and I never got my 'Becoming Blue' update email alert! Hope you all get this today!


	11. Future Planning?

**Title: Moving On?**  
 **Chapter 11 – Future Planning?**

 **A/N:** I am of course sad to see that some interest has dropped but my plan for this story was always to keep it mostly canon and I do want to keep true to that so for Danny/Maria I will continue to hint at them like the show b/c I wasn't even expecting that at all. To those still with this little story thanks so much for the continued support.

* * *

 _"Hey dad…think Maria will like this?" Sean asked_

He had just offered his son a small smirk and then brushed off his sister's warning that dad might have to give him the lecture about partner's dating but as he sat in Dr. Jenkins office his mind started to muddle even further.

"Danny?"

"Yeah…hey sorry doc…" Danny stammered as he looked at Dr. Jenkins with a small frown.

"Things with the boys okay? At home?"

"Yeah finally got the basketball hoop that they wanted and so that was a big hit. Back on the good side now," Danny offered the man opposite him a small smirk. But it wasn't long before his expression clouded and Dr. Jenkins was quick to call him on it.

"But…?"

"But what?"

"I know when you're holding something back Danny," Dr. Jenkins retorted with a small smirk as Danny shuffled in chair a bit and then slowly nodded. "Is it about the woman you told me about? Amber?"

"What uh makes you think it's about a woman?" Danny asked slowly as Dr. Jenkins smiled. "Right…it's what you do. Okay no…I think Amber got the hint when…so I had my partner over for dinner with the boys. They like her and she's been around and she helped me with a few things and so when dinner was on Amber came over and…and that was the last I saw of her and that was middle of last week."

"Okay so Amber isn't a factor anymore but you have hesitation in your voice and that tells me something or someone else is a factor."

"I don't uh…" Danny paused as he looked down at his ring finger and then up with a tight lipped smile. "It's nothing."

"You're struggling with feelings of guilt over other feelings that you think shouldn't be feeling because you still love your wife and you tell yourself that what you're doing is wrong so you beat yourself up over it."

"Pretty much…" Danny sighed as he rubbed his face and leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "I just think that Linda would want…I don't know what she'd want. We never talked about it…just uh…just always thought she'd be here you know?"

"I know. But if you do have some…feelings…just know that you aren't betraying her loyalty or trust or love."

"I just…I don't know what to think but uh…but I think it's too soon."

"You can only do what you feel is right. And while the boys might want a say or think they have a right to pressure you either way…in the end the choice is yours. Of course if the said person is mean or abusive to them in any way then if they bring that to your attention that is a valid concern but if they are just scared or worried or think that you're going to replace their mother in some way, that is a valid worry but one that they shouldn't hold over you as some guilt-laden mallet. You can tell them or ask them what they think but again…"

"Yeah…the choice is mine," Danny interjected with a small huff. "My partner is my well my partner and friend and she…she's just helping out but uh…but nothing. We work together so I know it can't…" he paused before he pushed himself out of the chair and then slowly padded over to the window and looked out. "Thinking about dating again…it uh…scares me."

"Course it's scary but it would be if you were freshly divorced or even testing the dating waters for the first time ever. Making that leap is always tough. Rejection is a fear that we all face."

"Don't know if I want to face that."

"But if it works then it can fill an emotional void that being alone might never."

"My dad and grampa seem okay."

"Each of us is different Danny. You can't compare yourself to them Danny and I doubt they'd want you to. Your partner…"

"She's just a friend. She's…comfortable."

"Spending time with your partner during your off hours isn't a crime Danny. You're doing nothing wrong."

"I know."

"And you don't have to justify yourself to me, your kids, your dad or anyone else. You only have to make sure for yourself that you're ready."

"It's….it's too soon. Right?"

"I can't tell you what to do Danny, only you can tell yourself that."

"I just don't want to do the wrong thing. I don't want to let my boys down again. They lost their mother and…and okay so let's just say my partner then…then she has a high risk job also and they wouldn't want to go through that again."

"They're not little children Danny and know the risks of your job. That would be the same for hers or…whoever. But just don't let their perceptions hold you back for anything. Most things we worry about never happen and we've spent so much time worrying for nothing."

"Right."

They talked a bit longer before it was time for Danny to take his leave and head home after a long but uneventful day of work. He let himself into his quiet home and then paused in the entranceway and looked at the empty kitchen and felt his heart sink a little. But when he recalled a memory of when his partner was there for dinner his lips couldn't help but curl upward and his heart slightly warm.

 _Linda…wish I knew what to do…just wish I knew what to do…_

He tossed his jacket over the nearest chair and headed into the kitchen and pulled the fridge door open and couldn't help but smile at the plate on the shelf that had his name on it in Jack's handwriting. Danny warmed up the food and then slumped down at the table to eat his dinner. But the silence started to consume him and he found his fingers scrambling for the TV remote; wanting to do anything to fill the silent void. His missed Linda…he missed his partner…he missed the sound of a female voice…he didn't want to be alone but as he sat back in his chair he struggled with the fact that he didn't want to think about putting himself out there into the emotional unknown.

XXXXXXXX

"You look tired this morning," his partner stated the next day as Danny stumbled into the precinct with a heavy frown and nearly tripped over something that he should have easily avoided. "Rough night?"

"Restless," he commented as he slumped down into the chair opposite her. "Boys are good. They love the hoop and for the record it's still standing."

"That's because I heard Erin read the instructions and directed it," Baez retorted with a mock smile.

"Jamie told you?" Danny shot back sourly as Baez nodded. "Figures. Okay fine she did. Big mouth," Danny grumbled as Baez smiled. "Happy for now…who knows what'll happen tomorrow."

Danny looked at a picture on his desk of himself and the boys and then up at his partner and offered her a small frown. "I'm almost afraid to ask them how I'm doing?"

"Pretty sure they'll say just fine."

"Yeah…always hear the tough stuff from them."

"They ever open up about Linda's death?" Baez asked carefully.

"Not really…I've tried to engage them as the shrink suggested but they'll just shrug and say it's okay."

"Yeah wonder who they got that from," she retorted in sarcasm as Danny pursed his lips.

"Okay so they picked up a few bad habits of mine," he admitted with a small wince. "Think that…" he stopped as his phone rang. "Really? Where? Okay we're on our way."

"Rosie?"

"The drug runnin' gramma. Got a solid lead this time," Danny confirmed as they both stood up and hurried to leave.

"60 years old, you'd think she'd know better," Baez commented as they toward their intended destination.

"She has to make quick money," Danny justified as Baez's expression was that of unimpressed.

"At 60, I wanna be living in a little house, on a beach…in Aruba," Baez declared with warm conviction as Danny looked at her with an expression of 'impressed'. "Where I'm going to own a Tiki bar that specializes in fancy drinks and Puerto Rican food," she added with a proud smile as his smile instantly grew and he couldn't help but glance over.

"Not something I woulda pegged you for being an owner of," he couldn't help but add. "But…sounds fun."

"Yeah…" she continued as her mind now started to picture the very tempting setting. "I'm gonna call it Tiki Riki," she giggled as Danny nodded in agreement. "What about you?" She urged.

"Nah…I don't look that far into the future," he momentarily paused as he gave his usual answer. Only today, in this moment, he added something that might have surprised them both. "Although I hope on occasion I'll be fortunate enough to be sitting by your side at that Tiki bar."

 _Wait what the hell did I just say…I want to spend my future with her? As what? A bar owner? In Aruba…wait…_ but it was her comment that followed:

"I hope so too," Baez told him in truth as his smile remained for longer than he might have expected – than they both might have expected.

It was sort of the last thing that he'd ever have thought for himself…and certainly it wasn't the future Linda had for herself but for some reason he found himself wanting to be there…with her. _What am I doing…_ his mind spiraled as he tried to focus himself to back on to the case.

XXXXXXXX

"What?"

"You still on planet earth?" Baez asked Danny about an hour later.

"Yeah…" he stammered as he forced his mind to get back to the task at hand. "Just glad this is over now."

"Don't like arresting criminal grannies?" Baez snickered as Danny's expression deadpanned. "Gotta plan now right…"

"Tried talking to the boys about that but I think they just tune me out."

"Well did you ever think about retirement at their age?"

"Try not to think about it now….course the bar in Aruba sounds pretty nice," he stated again and then caught himself as her dark brows gently arched. "Sounds nice…for you," he tried to backpedal. _Yeah…nice try…_ his brain chided as he looked back down at the file on his desk. _It's my partner…I shouldn't feel odd…talking to my partner. She's also my friend…_ lovers start out as friends, his brain snickered silently as Danny felt his emotional agitation start to grow.

"I'll make sure there is a special seat there with your name on it."

XXXXXXXX

"Always worry the kids will get curious about stuff…" Danny stated as they headed toward the apartment of one of the teachers of the prep school where one of the students had OD on the bad 'drugs' that was given to them the following morning.

"You'd think kids that can afford to go to these places would know better."

"Money can't buy brains," Danny uttered in sarcasm as he stopped the car and both looked at the swanky apartment. "But apparently it can buy a nice place."

"Think you'd like the beach bar better," Baez shot back with a smile as Danny nodded in agreement and both got out of the car and headed inside.

But it would amaze him and in the worst possible way that they could be on top of the world one minute and in the lowest depths of despair the next. While Danny talked to the teacher, Baez pulled away and started to slowly inspect the apartment of the teacher who had seen the student before he died – the last person to see him alive.

However, just as the teacher was handing Danny a line and trying to sound shocked about the student's death, both men stopped talking and looked over at Baez who had picked up a metal tray of drugs – without wearing any gloves.

"And…what is this?" Baez questioned the teacher who stammered to get the correct answer.

"Oh I can explain that…"

"Oh you can explain that down at the precinct," Danny started as he pulled his cuffs. A few seconds later the teacher was cuffed and the three of them headed back downstairs and into the car.

Baez tried to get the pounding in her head to stop but as soon as her heart started to race and he throat feel drier than normal, she knew something was wrong. Very wrong.

"Danny…" she started in a tone that wasn't very alarming. But he was at first engaged with their suspect as he tried to downplay his possession of the drug that now affected his partner.

"Danny…" Baez tried again as her breathing started to shallow and little black spots started to form; her body starting to falter.

"Detective…" the cuffed perp in the back beside Baez finally got Danny's attention.

"What?"

"Danny…"

"Your partner…she's…"

"What…Baez?" Danny glanced up into the rear view mirror and watched as his partners head lolled to the left and she suddenly became unresponsive. "Baez! Hey!" Danny shouted as his panic started to skyrocket. "What's going on? What's wrong? Hey!"

"She's overdosing!"

"What? How!" Danny demanded in desperation as he tried to focus on the road at the same time glance back to see if his partner was okay.

"The tray she picked up had Fentanyl on it. We have to get her to a hospital now!"

"BAEZ!"

* * *

 **A/N:** So loved Danny/Baez talk about the bar on the beach so had to include that here…and okay so I know I reversed the order here but I wanted Danny to be a bit more emotionally invested in his feelings for his partner when the accidental overdose happened as I wanted to explore that desperation of losing someone else he cares about and hope that's okay. Please do review before you go and thanks so much!


	12. A New Perspective

**Title: Moving On?**  
 **Chapter 12 – A New Perspective**

* * *

 _"The tray she picked up had Fentanyl on it. We have to get her to a hospital now!"_

 _"BAEZ!"_

Danny's mind continued to frantically spiral downward as he entered the hospital with a racing mind and heart. He had called ahead but spoke so fast that he wasn't sure he was heard properly. He wasn't.

"What did she come in contact with?"

"Uh Fentanyl," Danny replied weakly as he watched in helpless frustration as his partner was placed on oxygen and the attending ER physician called for a Naloxone kit while she explained to Danny how much more potent and dangerous the synthetic opioid was to standard street drugs.

"Okay…we'll try to do what we can."

"Wait…what are you saying?" Danny asked in desperation as he stopped the doctor before she could join her team in the ER. "My partner…she's gonna wake up right?" He managed as they started to do CPR on Baez's unmoving frame a few feet away. "Tell me she's gonna wake up!" Danny demanded a bit louder than he or others might have wanted.

"Look Fentanyl has a profound effect on the respiratory system. Hopefully…you got her here in time," the Doctor said as she turned to leave.

"Wait!" Danny tried to pull her back.

"We'll do everything we can. That's all I can promise right now," she told him before she turned away for the last time and rushed to help save Baez's life. All Danny could do was stand and watch in helpless misery as his partner was rushed from view with a team of frantic medical personnel at her side desperate to save his life.

"This…this can't be…" Danny muttered in an undertone as he started to pace the waiting area in the ER; his core temperature slightly elevated while his heart thumped painfully in his chest. _I was right there…I should have been watching or…or something! Why the hell…_ his mind raced round and round as he waited for some kind of news…any kind of news on his partner.

He replayed the scene over and over in his mind. Where she was; what she was doing; wha… _I was distracted!_ By what? His brain argued back _Doing your job? This isn't your fault!_ He knew that…he knew the risks of Fentanyl but until their perp told him what she had physically handled he had no clue. He pulled his phone and called his boss and then slumped down on a nearby bench to wait.

A few seconds later his brain replayed an image of himself rushing into the hospital on May 29th.

 _'Linda! Where's…Cindy…where's my wife! Where's Linda! WHERE IS SHE?'_

He watched as his father rushed toward him as he tried to barge into the ER operating room where she was being operated on and somewhat succeeded. He then saw himself at the edge of the room as he peered in with a horrified expression. Then he watched as the doctor came out of the room with a grim expression; her blood still freshly displayed on his white hospital coat.

 _'I'm sorry Mr. Reagan…'_

 _'Wait…what? No Doc…I need to see her she uh…I need to see her!'_

Danny's elbows rested on his knees as he head slightly hung down and his brain tried in vain to get his heart rate to calm down. _Can't lose Maria also I just…can't._ With that sobering thought, Danny's head lifted and he could only stare helplessly at the area she was being worked on.

It seemed like forever passed before the Doctor finally emerged and came up to him with a grim expression.

"How is she? Can I see her?"

"She's…stable but in a medically induced coma."

"But…what? Why?"

"The drugs have played havoc on her system Detective. It needs time to try to pull itself back out of this."

"And uh…how long will that be?"

"We don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know!" Danny snapped and then recanted. "Okay look I'm uh…sorry. Will she be okay?"

"She'll have to fight her way back and if she does, she'll be fine. We can only hope now that no permanent damage was done. As soon as she's set up in the ICU we'll let you know."

"Right," Danny muttered as he watched her walk away and then headed back toward the waiting area and slumped down in quiet defeat. But he wasn't allowed to dwell too much on his own misery as his phone rang a few seconds later and broke that contemplative silence. "Hey…" he greeted his father with a somber tone.

 _"How is Baez?"_

"She's in a coma. She uh…Doc says we got her there in good time but uh…could be days before her body comes out of it or…yeah," he huffed as he shook his head and then audibly groaned. "I should have watched a bit more closely or…"

 _"It wasn't your fault Danny. She was doing her job."_

"I know," he replied just to tell his father what he wanted to hear but in that moment wasn't prepared to let go of any of the guilt.

 _"Are you able to go to her place and get a few things…make it a bit more homey for her? I can assign someone else to finish this case if you want.'_

"No I uh…I want the son of a bitch that put that crap on the streets. Agent Bell said we could help with this case so I'll uh…yeah stopping by her place is a good idea."

 _"Call me if she wakes up."_

Danny hung up with his father and then reluctantly took his leave. His father was right, him being there doing nothing but driving the staff nuts wouldn't help anyone and they still had a case to solve. But he told himself as soon as his shift was over…maybe sooner, he'd be over at her place and then back to the hospital to see how she was.

XXXXXXXX

"Hey partner…stopped by your place and picked up a few things that you might like…few pictures that you might want to see when you wake up…instead of my ugly mug," Danny offered with a soft smirk as he entered her room later that same night and then walked up to her bed and pulled out two pictures of her family.

As he started to remove his coat, he recalled at first being hesitant about entering her apartment but told himself that he had been in it before and this was now just to get a few things and not…snoop. He grabbed a few personal pictures from her living room and then headed into the kitchen to get a shot of cold water but quickly stopped his actions and looked at something on the fridge.

On the left side was a little picture of a festive looking bar that she had written 'Riki Tiki' at the top in red marker and on the right was a picture of two empty chairs – one with her name on it and other with his. An emotional lump instantly formed in his throat as he started at the seemingly innocent pictures but felt his heart rate instantly start to increase. They had only talked about the bar in Aruba the day before and now…now he was already in her future. _She probably didn't expect you to see that…_ his brain carefully offered.

And suddenly he felt guilty, as if he stumbled upon something he shouldn't have and quickly backed away. He gathered up a few pictures and then headed for the door and back into the hallway. But even as he reminded himself about the dire situation, something inside warmed his heart that he was there in her future and suddenly he allowed himself a few seconds to let go of some emotional despair.

The soft beeping brought him back to reality as he arranged the pictures of her with family and then sat down in a chair beside her bed.

"I probably don't say it enough but uh…you're one helluva cop…and one helluva partner. I really…really need you to wake up. I really can't afford to lose you too," his voice quivered as he offered her his heartfelt confession. _I can't lose her…not another one…I can't…this…this is what I get for even…_ he stopped as he looked at her placid expression. "I'm just gonna sit here until you stop being so stubborn," he tried to add lightly in a vain effort to get his mind and heart to switch back to professional feelings. "Wake up and tell me to mind my own business or I picked up the wrong pictures or something."

But he had already passed the point of no return and knew he was doomed; his heart was already invested and after seeing the pictures on her fridge feared she was too. But what could he tell her? Stop caring? That would be hypocritical since he cared for her in return. Once merely plutonic now…he edged closer to something a lot stronger and that scared him.

"Can't…lose you," he whispered so that only she could hear. Course he told himself she couldn't and so his confession would be nothing when she woke up. Still…it felt reassuring to say it. Danny looked up at the monitors and then down at his partner's face and leaned in and gave her hand a warm squeeze and let it linger; his skin at first cool to his touch but the longer his skin remained attached to hers the faster it warmed and that reassured him. But as soon as he pulled it away he knew it would cool.

He leaned back in the chair and then closed his eyes for a few seconds and let his mind drift back to when the four of them were having dinner at his new home and how she just fit so well with his boys and that setting. But instantly his mind felt guilty that he enjoyed himself with someone other than his wife and he found it hard to swallow. _'You're not betraying Linda if you start to develop feelings for another woman,'_ Dr. Jenkins had reminded him soundly.

And he knew that. It wasn't like he was having an affair or that he was doing something behind her back. It wasn't like they were even divorced and living separate lives. She was gone – for good. He was doing nothing wrong and he knew it but inside he still felt that he should felt some kind of guilt.

 _Then walk away now…be fair to both of you_ his brain offered with a small chirp. He looked at the time and knew it was late and he should get home to his boys. They also needed him and that was part of his deal with them; that he be there for them a bit more often.

"I uh…I gotta go. Told the boys I'd be home and uh…well you know how Sean gets," he paused as a small smirk escaped his lips. But his expression turned serious a few seconds later as he rubbed his face and looked at his partner's motionless frame.

"You uh you need to wake up now okay? Quit scaring me like this. You know I don't like to be scared…you always say nothing seems to scare me but uh…losing um…losing people I care about scares me," Danny confessed softly as he leaned in and rested his elbows on his knees and looked at her with a distressed expression. "So quit playing games and wake up okay? Surprise…gotcha….something to make me know you're pulling my leg here."

But it wasn't to be; in fact she wouldn't wake up for a few more days yet. He told himself he had to get home to his boys. That tomorrow he'd have to get up and try to focus on finding out who is behind the tainted drugs and put in second place the fact that his partner was still in the ICU fighting for her life.

"I need to go but I can't," Danny added once more. "So you gotta wake up and tell me I gotta get my ass home now." He reached over and took her hand once more and gave it a warm squeeze; the coolness still a bit off-putting but his mind telling him that she was alive and trying to fight her way back and that's all that mattered.

But as he looked at the clock once more he knew he had to get home to his boys. She was safe here and in the best of care and if something happened, a team of experts would be right there to ensure that nothing would go wrong.

"Alright…" Danny whispered as he leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. "I gotta go. I'll be back tomorrow. I promise," he told her as he pulled back and looked at her with a tormented expression. But he told himself not to take too long because if he did, he might never leave. So with that he pulled on his coat and left her room and headed for the exit doors and then finally outside.

He sat in his car for a few seconds and tried to clear his thoughts before he put his car in drive and headed for home.

"Dad?"

"Yeah it's me!" Danny called out as he dumped his coat on the table and headed into the kitchen; his boys already eaten as they had the night before. "Sorry I'm late!" He called out once more and then turned to see his boys a few meters away. "Oh…what's going on?"

"How's Maria?"

"She's….she's in a coma."

"When will she come out?"

"What exactly happened?"

"Grampa only said it happened on a case."

"Okay hold on a sec here," Danny put up his hands to stop his boys rapid fire questions. "She touched a tray that had Fentanyl on it and accidentally overdosed."

"Just touched the tray?" Sean asked in shock.

"Yeah…it's just that strong. Stuff to stay away from. She's in a medically induced coma to give her body a chance to fight off the drugs and also to uh…give it a chance to heal."

"Hope she's okay."

"Yeah me to."

"Yeah…me too," Danny added as he gave his boys a small smile. "You already eaten?"

"Yeah."

"Okay good."

He watched them head back to what they were doing and then turned and looked at the kitchen with a glum expression. He was somewhat hungry but didn't feel like eating. All he wanted was to pick up the phone and hear his partner's voice and know that she was okay.

Danny slumped down into the closest chair and felt his heart sink as his brain recalled something his therapist had said to him _'funny you never really know how much you care about someone until you come close to…or actually lose them.'_ "I can't lose her," he whispered into the dimly lit surroundings and hung his head.

* * *

 **A/N:** oh poor Danny :( this update was all Danny angst with some worried family bits and hope that's okay and you all liked it. I added a few personal touches to make it seem like she's also thinking about him and her future and hope you all liked that also and please do review before you go and thanks so much!

 **PS** : The site has been acting up again so if you do get this alert or check the page and then you get an error please just keep refreshing. ugh so frustrating! thanks :)


	13. Laying it on the Emotional Line

**Title: Moving On?**  
 **Chapter 13 – Laying it on the Emotional Line**

 **A/N:** Hope everyone is still liking this little expanded narrative on this season with Danny's new situation and to those without accounts thank you so much for your continued support and reviews! means so much! So...hope you all like this update and thanks in advance!

* * *

 _'Reagan…your new partner…'_

 _'Sarge…I don't need a new…'_

 _'Do I look like I'm asking? Maria Baez…the always friendly Danny Reagan.'_

 _'Hi.'_

 _'Yeah…hey…so FBI huh…big shot…'_

 _'That's what I'll let you think…'_

Danny's eyes slowly opened as he recalled the memory of when he first met his current partner. He didn't have much of a choice and had grumbled to Gormley that he didn't want another female partner. But now…now he couldn't imagine himself having anyone else at his side.

"Was um…just thinking about when we met…you…you sassed me. Remember?" He asked with a weary nod as he leaned back in his chair and then looked at her in concern. "You were with the uh…CIA," he paused before a small smirk left his lips. "FBI right…wake up and tell me I'm full of it…"

But her expression remained the same and his hand reached out and gently brushed hers. "We caught the guy who was responsible for this. You missed the takedown…was pretty good. Course it was missing something. You."

He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees and then rubbed his face. "Three days now partner…you gotta wake up and tell me to get my ass home. Boys need me or something like that. Just…wake up."

As tired as he was from the long day, Danny refused to leave just yet as he told himself that she would wake up any second now. But the longer he sat there the faster fatigue started to overtake him and as his eyes slowly slid closed, his mind drifted back in time.

 _'So you didn't think my questioning was good?'_

 _'I was the lead on this and I had him going.'_

 _'The only reason he opened up was because I connected with him. If we're going to be partners for longer than a week you need to trust my experience.'_

Danny's body gently jerked as he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see his father at his side. "Hey…what's going on?"

"Sean said you might be here," Frank commented as he eased himself down into a chair beside his son and then looked over at Baez's placid expression.

"Yeah…guess I should get home."

"How is she?"

"Doc says she'll be okay…" Danny replied with a heavy frown. "But…she's still not waking up. I wish they could do more but uh…but the doc said she has to come out on her own now. Just…wish she felt that time was now."

"She's strong and you said it wasn't prolonged exposure. She'll pull through," Frank reassured his son as he looked at him in concern. "But the boys need you."

"I know…" Danny huffed as he looked at his partner with a weary frown. "Just feel like if I leave and she wakes up and she's alone then…I'll feel like I'll have let her down."

"She'll understand. She knows you have the boys to look after."

"Jack's an adult!" Danny gently snapped and then pursed his lips as his father's expression softened. "I know…I need to go."

"She'll be here in the morning. Even if she wakes up tonight, they won't let her just get up and walk out."

"Why not? I would," Danny smirked as Frank offered his son a small smile.

"Well…let's hope she hasn't picked up _all_ your bad habits," Frank patted his son on the shoulder once more. "The nurses know and so does the officer outside to call you as soon as she wakes up. No matter the hour. But you need rest. Go home to the boys, have dinner with them. Give them an update and get some rest."

"Right…" Danny reluctantly agreed as he too slowly stood up and then reached for his coat. He watched his father leave and then turned to his partner with a small frown. "I…I gotta go. Tired. But uh…I don't wanna go so…if you're gonna wake up call me okay?" He slightly smirked as he leaned in closer and kissed her on the forehead and then looked down at her in concern. "Can't lose you," he added in a soft whisper as he squeezed her hand and then turned to leave.

Just as he left the room, the heart monitor that was hooked up to her slightly skipped and then returned to its steady rhythm.

XXXXXXXX

Danny let himself into his quiet home and couldn't help but smile when he heard the boys in the other room talking and laughing about something. "I'm home!" Danny called out and then got a chorus of 'hey dad!' in return as he tugged loose his tie and headed for the fridge. "Hate this silence…" he huffed softly as he looked at a picture on the fridge of a postcard with a sunny beach on it. His lips twisted upward as he glanced at the little drawing that said 'riki tiki' on it; the bar Baez had told him about that he had drawn on the postcard.

"How's Maria?"

"She's…still in a coma. Doc says vitals are stronger and she's holding her own but she's still in a coma. You guys had dinner?"

"Yeah Sean cooked tonight."

"And you're still alive."

"I HEARD THAT!" Sean shouted from the other room as Danny and Jack traded chuckles.

"So…she will wake up right?"

"Yeah…course she will," Danny returned a tight lipped smile. But his smile veiled a hidden concern that he didn't want to voice to his son. Dr. Jenkins said it was good for him to be honest with the boys but that he also didn't have to feel obligated to tell them everything he was feeling all the time; especially if they were personal. This was one of those times.

Jack was satisfied with the answer and so went back to what he was doing as Danny finished the rest of his glass of water and then headed upstairs to his bedroom and started to slowly undress. But despite the fact that the day was mostly a success with the takedown and arrest of the dealer and his body was tired, his mind would remain awake with tormented thoughts of losing his beloved partner.

XXXXXXXX

"So…day four but…whose keeping count right?" Danny gently smirked as he eased himself down onto the very familiar chair beside his partner's bed. "Come on…time to wake up and tell me to get a life or something like that."

But once again, her expression remained the same and his heart could only sink further into his weary chest. The doctors still assured him that she was going to be okay and was breathing on her own and her vitals were getting stronger every day but the fact that she hadn't woken up just yet worried him.

"Jamie dropped by earlier…you shoulda woken up and shooed him away," Danny chuckled as he leaned in closer. "Maria I uh…I need you to wake up. Working alone these past two days has been hell…just weird. Come on…wake up and tell me to grow up or something like that."

But as with the past few days, her expression remained motionless as he looked up at the vitals and then back down.

"Don't like coming to hospitals when those I care about are in them…you know…needing help. I…so that's why you gotta wake up…put me outta my misery."

 _'I'm sorry Mr. Reagan but…'_

 _'But what! Where the hell is my wife! I need to see her…Linda! Look just…get outta my way.'_

 _'Mr. Reagan I understand you're upset but…I'm sorry. Linda…she's gone. She passed away a half hour ago.'_

 _'No…no doc she couldn't have because I uh…I wasn't here. She couldn't have…no…'_

Danny eyes misted for a few seconds before some soft beeping snapped him back to reality and he quickly sniffled and then loosened his tie slightly. "Don't want to lose another person I care about so you gotta wake up okay?"

Silence.

More silence.

"Okay I'm just gonna stay here…another night until you wake up and tell me to go home."

Coupled with the long day and the late hour, it wasn't too much effort for Danny's eyelids to close and him to slip into darkness and his shoulders slightly slump. His mind, however, remained slightly awake and drifted back into a few tormented images of Baez dying and him seeing her tombstone beside his wife's and then his world turning black – for good.

Each night he would offer a little prayer that she'd wake up and come back to him. Tonight…that prayer would be answered for an hour later, while he remained in dreamland, his lips slightly parted and little snoring sounds coming forth, her eyes fluttered open, blinked a few times and then looked around to see who was in the room with her.

 _Danny…_ her mind and heart whispered at once as she felt her heart start to beat a bit faster. _He's here…where the hell…is here? The hospital…what the hell…happened…_

"Hey…wanna keep it down?" She uttered softly as his face automatically broke into a tender smile.

"Welcome back," Danny whispered.

"What happened?"

"You…had an accidental OD and…you scared the hell outta me," he admitted with a small frown as she looked at him with a mildly shocked expression.

"How long was I out?" Baez dared to inquire.

"Almost…a week."

"You look like hell," she told him matter-of-factly. "You been here every night?"

"Yup…"

"Go home. See the boys."

"Boys are with my old man. They're fine," he told her with a serious expression and then added, "I'll walk outta here when you do. Okay?"

"Okay," she answered, not wanting to argue or lose his comforting presence. "But…no more snoring," she gently teased – something he could only lightly chuckle at.

"Okay," he replied as he leaned in closer.

"Danny…"

"Yeah?"

"Why…are you _really_ here?"

His expression turned soft as he leaned in even closer and took her hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. "This is where I belong…right here…with you."

* * *

 **A/N:** I loved the little moment when she woke up and they talked so wanted to keep that part canon and then add to it a bit and hope you all liked that. Now back to reality so please do review before you go and thanks so much!


	14. An Emotional Impasse?

**Title: Moving On?**  
 **Chapter 14 – An Emotional Impasse?**

 **IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T HEARD WE GET SEASON 9! YAYYYYY**

* * *

"You know I won't break right? It was just a drug overdose…not like I was shot or something," Maria Baez told her partner with a small look as her and Danny entered her apartment an hour after she was discharged from the hospital.

"Oh yeah because those happen every day," Danny tossed back with a small smirk as he closed the door behind them. "So just go and have a shower and relax and I'll just…"

"Danny…"

"You're my partner and my friend…I'd do it for…"

"For?" She prodded as her dark brows gently arched.

"Jamie?" Danny retorted weakly as her lips slightly pursed and then broke into a broad smile. "But I would do it for those I care about. So just go and do…whatever. Doc said you could have a shower so go and do that and I'll put a few things away."

"Danny…" Maria tried to protest once more.

"Look I want to help okay?"

"Guilt? You know it wasn't your fault right? You didn't know what was on that tray any more than I did."

"I know I just…the guy was an addict, shoulda known he had drugs lying around that are dangerous."

"I know that just as well as you," she retorted as he gave her a small shrug. "Stop feeling guilty," she gently scolded as she turned to head into her bedroom. "Like the caring as motivation better."

With that she turned and slowly headed into her bedroom and disappeared from view; leaving him standing in the kitchen with a small smile on his face.

"So I'll just…" he started as he turned and pulled the fridge open and then frowned heavily.

"Looks like yours?"

"Yeah when the boys don't shop," Danny replied with a smile. "I'll get a few things tha…" he started once more as she opened her mouth to protest. "Let me okay? Your fridge is empty and you gotta do your thing so let me go and get a few groceries for you…make myself useful and then…we'll have coffee or a drink…" he smirked, "and that'll be that."

She was tired of protesting so simply nodded in agreement and watched as he gave her a comforting smile and then head back outside. His presence was comforting but she told herself that he had told her he wasn't ready to take anything to the next level and would admit she was just feeling vulnerable and so asking him to stay further would be selfish.

Even still, just knowing that he was there comforted her heart and mind in ways she had never experienced before. She locked the door and then headed into the bathroom to have a shower and just try to wash away a week's worth of inactivity and hospital residue.

XXXXXXXX

 _'And don't forget to get…'_

Danny paused in the aisle of the nearby grocery store as he heard Linda's voice in his head reminding him of something he had to pick up and his throat slightly caught and he paused before he reached for the item and then gave his head a shake. _Linda wouldn't be mad you are looking after your partner_ , his brain reminded him correctly.

With that he gave his head a shake and continued with his mission to get his partner some food for her fridge and then he'd go home to his boys. _You would have done it for any of your partner's_ , his brain reminded him once more again in truth as he completed his task and headed for the checkout. But while that was true, something else inside him had started to surface and he knew this time…wasn't quite the same.

"Danny?"

"Yeah it's me!" Danny called out as he entered his partner's apartment with the groceries in his grasp. "Just putting the food…away," he turned around to see her enter the kitchen wearing just her pajamas and robe; her hair wet and face flushed but looking a lot more 'her' than when he left. "I won't be long."

"You don't have to rush out," she told him casually as he remained in place in the kitchen before he turned to her with a somewhat distressed expression. "What's…going on?" She asked him slowly.

"Nothing I just…I'm glad you're home now and everything is back to normal…as it should be," he tripped over his words as she slowly closed the gap between them. "Just uh…don't know what I would have done…if you had…died," he finally admitted as her warm hand rested on his atop the countertop which instantly helped to calm his nerves. "Maria…"

"I'm fine. You got me to the hospital in time…saved my life and now…I have groceries in my fridge. Everything is going to be fine," she concluded lightly as his lips finally twisted upward into a soft smirk. "No need to overthink things right?"

"No."

"Okay then…do you want a snack or a drink or something?"

"I should…sure," he finally gave in, not wanting to leave just yet. "Boys will be relieved you're finally out."

"Was nice of them to send that card," she acknowledged as she nodded toward the colorful piece of cardboard on the fridge.

"I think it took them like an hour to pick out the right one," Danny snickered.

"Well it was very thoughtful."

"Well…they like you and were worried," Danny added with a serious tone as she looked at him with a warm gaze. "Not sure you'll come back to all the fanfare at work you know…it's not like you were shot or anything."

"No, nothing that serious," she retorted with a small smile as she continued to make something for them to snack on.

"Like the bar picture," he commented as her warm, dark eyes drew upwards and rested on the same image he looked at.

"Would love to be there right now."

"Maybe winter."

"Definitely winter," she retorted with a musical note to her tone; her mood lifting the longer his presence remained in hers. "Think the boys would visit a Tiki bar?"

"Will there be scantily clad girls there?" Danny shot back with a laugh as she too nodded and laughed. "Then I think that's a yes…maybe gramps also."

"Ah," she laughed.

The two of them talked a bit longer before Danny had to regrettably take his leave and get home.

"See you tomorrow," she offered as they slowly headed toward her front door.

"Partner…"

"Would you just want to sit at home doing nothing if you could be working?" She countered as he turned and looked at her less than amused expression. "No."

"No," he answered almost at the same time. "Okay…see you tomorrow," he offered as he leaned in and gave her a hug. He had hugged women before, those not his wife, but when he held her close something just seemed to send of a chemical reaction in his brain and heat started to flood his core. "I hafta go."

"Okay."

He pulled back and gave her a warm smile before he forced himself into the hallway and then slowly started toward the elevator. Danny turned back to see her watching him and gave her one last peaceful smile before the elevator doors closed him away from view.

XXXXXXXX

"So how's Maria?" Jack asked as and his brother sat with their father that same night in their favorite pizza place – their new family routine.

"Better now that she's home. I got her a few groceries and she said she'd be at work tomorrow."

"Isn't that soon?" Sean inquired as Danny nodded.

"Course… _you_ wouldn't want to stay home either. You'd be so bored," Jack interjected as Danny's lips pursed.

"And that's what she said," he huffed as his boys laughed. "Yeah funny…" he gently deadpanned as he watched their waitress approach with the bill in hand.

"I'm sorry sir," she started with a somewhat remorseful expression. "But your card has been declined."

Danny looked at her and then at his boys and then up at her again with a nervous snicker as he tried to give himself some kind of excuse. "There must be a mistake…musta changed the due date…" he stammered as he pulled his wallet and pulled out some cash and handed it to her. "Keep the change."

"Are we broke?" Sean asked in haste.

"No…we are not broke," Danny shot back in a huff. "And would you mind not announcing it to the whole restaurant please? Just not used to…managing the bills and working and all that stuff?"

"That…used to be mom's job?" Jack interjected.

"Yes and now it's my job and I have it under control," Danny replied in haste.

"You know you can set that stuff up automatically now…like online?" Sean suggested.

"Like most young people do," Jack added with a smirk as Danny's lips pursed.

"Yes I know…" Danny groaned as he told his boys it was time to go, stood up and collected his jacket.

"You gonna be able to pay for my college dad?" Jack asked seriously as Danny looked at his son's worried expression and nodded in haste.

"You can go to any college you want to. Just as long as your brother and I can come for a sleepover," Danny grinned as Sean enthusiastically added, "yup." To which Jack shot down in haste, "no way guys…not happening."

But as Danny ushered his boys out of the busy restaurant and said, "come on let's go…don't worry about money," his brain was already trying to figure out what was in the kids education fund and if he'd be able to honor his promise of sending not one but _both_ of his boys to college. _Oh boy…_ he inwardly huffed. _Need a new plan…_

XXXXXXXX

"Hey…welcome back partner," Danny greeted Maria the next morning with a warm smile.

"Feels good to be back," she replied with a warm smile. "So…new case already?"

"You read the notes?"

"I did. Did you get an address for that Mrs. Daniels?"

"Didn't have to. She prefers to come down here."

"Who in the right mind prefers to come into a police station?" Maria replied with a small huff to which Danny couldn't help but smirk.

"A not guilty party?" Danny offered with a shrug.

"From your interview notes she sure sounded guilty in my books. Who leaves her husband just because he lost some money? At the end of the day, marriage is a contract."

"Well…I'm sure her husband going belly up isn't what she signed up for," Danny shot back.

"Yeah well….life changes, things happen," she replied with a small groan.

"You know I know," Danny conceded as she cast him a sympathetic glance. "I'm just saying…this isn't what I signed up for either but it is what it is. Sometimes…it's just practical…money counts."

"You really believe that?" Maria counted as they stopped walking and she looked at him straight on with a perplexed expression as Danny turned to leave. "Danny…" she called out as he stopped and turned back and looked at her with a heavy frown. "What's…going on? Money's never been that big an issue for you."

"I uh…" Danny started with a small headshake as he looked around him and then turned and walked back toward her.

"Something's bothering you. You seem…on edge."

"Last night at the pizza place…card was declined," he told her in a low tone.

"Oh no…"

"Oh….yeah," he groaned as he rubbed his face. "I made up some lame ass excuse for the boys and then tried to leave and of course…Jack gets all worried and asks about his college tuition and of course I know Sean's thinking it also. He didn't say it but…but of course they're worried. They have every right and…and so am I. So yeah…I don't usually worry about money but…but now things are different."

With that he turned and headed toward the men's locker room while she stood in placed and watched him go. The pain she could feel coming from him was palpable and her heart ached to see him in such distress. But he would be too proud to ask for help from anyone and she knew that.

Danny entered the quiet room and then looked at his rough reflection in the mirror and then paused before he turned his back and leaned against the wall and closed his eyes for a few seconds and let his brain replay a brief discussion with his father a few months back.

 _'If you ever need any help…I mean money help…'_

 _'Thanks dad but uh…we'll be okay…'_

"No…I can do this…I can make it on my own," Danny insisted softly as he tried to pull himself together before he went back outside.

"Danny…"

"Come on partner, we have a case to get to."

"Okay but…"

"No but's…we're going to be fine," Danny replied firmly as he gave her a tight lipped smile. He said the words mostly for himself to believe but in those few seconds after they escaped his mouth he knew as well as she did – he didn't believe them.

He could only hope the day would get better…

XXXXXXXX

"Okay so let's write up…" Danny started a few hours later as he plunked himself down at his desk across from his partner only to be interrupted by the phone ringing. "Ballpark…yup got it. I gotta say Mr. O'Donnell that's the kinda ballpark I'd really like to be playing in. And…I'm pretty good at the game if I do say so myself," Danny muttered as Maria watched him intently. "Okay…thank you for the opportunity."

But as soon as Danny got off the phone she was quick to call him on it. "What's…going on? You signing up for softball? What's the opportunity?"

"It's…nothing."

"Come on Danny…now you clam up? You've been pretty open the last few days. What's going on? We're partners remember?" She prodded.

"Okay so…it's about a guy who offered me a job running his personal security," Danny explained briefly as his heart rate suddenly soared.

"A guy? What guy?"

"A guy who pays $250K a year. So if I cash out my pension here that's $350K a year. Do the math."

"Yeah I can do the math Danny and you're not gonna take it," she argued back a bit irately.

"Well…I think I am," he argued back as he slowly stood up.

"Nah," she retorted as his brow furrowed.

"You do realize that I used to be in a two income household and now it's only one. That I used to have a partner and now I'm the only parent. I still gotta raise these two boys. It's a good thing for us," he explained as if he was more trying to convince himself than her.

She just looked at him in shock. This had all happened so fast that she didn't even have time to process the fact that he was actually thinking of quitting. "You'd miss the action too much," she tried to reason. _He can't leave…_

"I would miss the action," Danny was forced to agree. "But before where the job used to seem noble now…as a single parent it kinda seems…selfish."

"What about the boys?" Maria started with a huff. "Don't they get a say?"

Danny paused but it was only for a few seconds before she added…"or me?"

That shocked him to the core; stopped his speech instantly. Even more so when he was left to stand there alone and dumbfounded as she turned on her heel and walked away.

 _What….just happened? Ask her….? But…_

And for the first time since he heard the very generous offer and was excited to make the right decision he felt as if he had made the worst mistake in his life.

* * *

 **A/N:** So wanted to get the painful pizza scene in with Danny and the boys b/c it set up the next part and wanted to keep that all canon as well as most of his convo's with Baez which I added to a bit and hope that's okay. So this is where we got to in the show so far with the more personal Danny/Baez moments so we'll see what happens but hope you are all still liking this so please do review before you go and thanks so much!


	15. What Matters Most

**Title: Moving On?**  
 **Chapter 15 – What Matters Most**

* * *

 _"What about the boys?" Maria started with a huff. "Don't they get a say?"_

 _Danny paused but it was only for a few seconds before she added…"or me?"_

Danny stood by his desk in pure silence as the world continued to slowly turn around him. _What the hell…just happened…thought she'd be…happy for me…_ his mind trailed off before someone's phone rang right beside him and jolted him back to reality. "Baez…" he muttered under his breath as he went in search of his partner. He tried the coffee area and the locker room before he dared to poke his head inside the women's washroom and then quickly ducked back outside before he was seen.

He almost went back to his desk but then decided to check one more place and headed for the stairs to go down and then finally ended up at the indoor range.

"Figured I'd find you here…" Danny stated as he slowly walked up to his partner who turned to him with a distressed expression. He noticed some moisture around the rims of her dark eyes and his heart sunk. "Maria…"

"I forgot something…down here," she stated coldly as she pulled away from one of the stations and tried to head past him.

"Wait…" he whispered as his and shot out and gently grabbed her arm and held her in place before he let go and then offered her a tight lipped smile. "I…"

"Let me," she interjected with her own tight lipped smile. "I was out of line. You don't owe me anything."

"Yeah I do."

"No…this is your decision," she retorted flatly.

"I owe you an explanation."

"No…I get it. You have your boys and less income and things are…expensive. It was selfish of me to even think that…that I had some kind of say in…anything," she gently stammered as he stood before her with a heavy frown.

"I just…last night was embarrassing…having my card declined in front of the boys…making them see that I'm not…you know their invincible dad with all the answers who's going to make sure everything is okay now. I gotta be mom and dad and it's…well it scares me at times. I want the best for them and right now…I haven't said anything yet…"

"I get it. I do…"

"Maria…" Danny tried once more as they lingered in the small space a few feet apart. "I care about what you think. I'm just…I'll talk to the boys tonight."

"Guess we should get back…"

But just as she tried to head past him once more, his hand shot out again and pulled her close. They lingered a few inches apart for a few seconds while the heated between them started to soar. "I do care what you think," he whispered as he moved in a bit closer, her body more than open to the idea of their connection. "I'm just…"

"Just what she prodded?"

"New at this…all of this," he admitted with a small huff. "Haven't had to think about things like this for…a long time. But…"

However, before it could be taken to the next level, they heard heavy footsteps coming down the stairs and quickly pulled back; the heat, however, slow to dissipate.

"Reagan…Baez," the officer greeted each with a nod before he pushed past and slowly ambled toward one of the stations.

"So I guess…" she started.

"Yeah…the case," he concluded as both nodded in agreement and then headed for the stairs in silence. "And I would have asked," he told her once more as they reached the top.

"Well…I am still working on my patience," she gently smirked.

"You? Nah…" he teased; which earned him a playful slap on the arm. But as they headed back to their desks, Danny's mind couldn't help but dwell on her inference that he _needed_ to ask her what she thought about something so personal as a career decision. _Well you have been drawing closer…_ his brain reminded him as he paused at his desk, which made her also pause and look at him in wonder. "I _would_ miss the action."

 _Would you miss me?_ her mind begged her to question him. But it wasn't the time or the place to put him in the emotional hot seat for she knew he'd just shrug and say sure with a smirk and then change the subject. She'd know he was only half telling the truth and the other half was putting on a show for anyone who might be bored enough to listen to what they said.

"Come on…let's go find that action," she suggested as he looked at her with a nod and then reached for his gun and shoved it into his holster. But she was right…his boys did deserve a say in what his future plans were and so he told himself he'd ask them that night after they had gone out for dinner.

"And for the record…I do care what you think," he told her as they headed for the exit doors to go outside. "I asked him to give me a couple of days. Truth is…I worry, how can I not. But you're right…the boys have a say and I did promise them that any major decision would be discussed so…I'm gonna talk to them tonight and then see what happens."

"Good idea. I mean just because I want to give my two cents doesn't mean I'd…miss you or anything," she playfully stammered as his grin widened.

"No…course not."

And that discussion was dropped. He felt better inside that he made peace with her but knew that he still had to give the man who made him the generous offer a serious answer in a few days. But…tonight he'd talk to his boys and get their buy in. _I'm sure when they hear the money…they'll tell me to take it…then I can put it on them…_

XXXXXXXX

"Guys…I gotta confess something," Danny admitted as the three of them drove home after they had had dinner with Frank and Henry. "Things aren't exactly…okay," he started with a strained tone as they slowly headed for home.

"Yeah…we know," Sean stated.

"Not exactly breaking news," Jack added as Danny's lips pursed.

"No I know that. I mean money's tight…without your mom's income it's getting tighter. And I don't want to stretch too much overtime with what little time we have left as the three amigos."

"So…what are you saying?" Sean asked slowly as Danny's heart started to thump a bit heavier.

"I'm saying…I'm leaving the NYPD," he told them with a heavy tone. _Just put it all out there and see what they say…_ his brain chimed somberly. "Taking a higher paying job. A much…higher paying job."

"But dad you love your job," Jack reminded him with a frown.

"Well yeah but I love you guys more," Danny told them in truth. "And it's as simple and as complicated as that."

Uncomfortable silence started to grow for a few seconds until Sean dared to ask, "what would you be doing?"

"Private security firm. Rich guy and his family."

"Is he famous?" Jack instantly piped up.

"Noooo," Danny groaned as it switched back to Sean's turn.

"So…some rich guy…"

"With rich kids…" Jack concluded for his brother as Danny's agitation started to rise.

"That's how you put it," he glanced over at his oldest with exasperation. "For me it's just a gig. A good gig."

"We love what you do now," Jack told him in truth. "Proud of you," he added; words that made Danny's heart swell with silent pride.

"Yeah…we really love bragging about you dad," Sean added as Danny's heart rose and then sunk as his once clear cut decision suddenly became emotionally clouded.

And that night instead of dreaming about the things he could buy for his boys or brag about which top notch schools he could get them into, he lay in bed wide awake thinking about what to do next. _It's not fair to them that they can't attend a recognized College because their old man doesn't make enough money. I want them to do better than my line of work…_ he inwardly huffed as he rolled onto his other side to try to make himself a bit more comfortable.

Nothing worked. His mind was too agitated and alert, unable to let go of all the conversations of the day. The potential employer, his partner, his boys and then himself…his family was still to come even though in that moment he didn't know because he had told his boys not to talk to the rest of the family about his personal financial situation.

Course that would not go as planned as the boys would tell their concerns to their grandfather who in turn would mention it to the rest of the family and that would also help to factor into his decision.

Danny flipped onto the other side and for a few seconds felt anger start to rise but quickly rebuked himself as he knew it wasn't fair to put any blame on Linda's absence as it wasn't either of their faults that she wasn't there and he didn't have her income to help with their boy's future.

 _'You ever worry about what would happen if one of us lost their job or…or we had to rethink a few things for the boys.'_

 _'Whatever happens we'll cross that bridge when we come to it…and if we're really tight we could always take out a loan.'_

 _'Linda…'_

 _'Well you won't ask your father for help so…then we'll go to the bank.'_

Part of him just hated to run back to his father every time something went south but at the same time as Dr. Jenkins had reminded him that his family was one of the strongest he knew and that loyal love and bond counted for something.

XXXXXXXX

 _'Thought this was just between us guys for now…' Danny looked at Sean with a frown._

 _'Yeah but you weren't listening to us,' Jack piped up._

 _'So we clued in the rest of us,' Sean concluded with a small shrug._

 _'So now that you already know…' Danny groaned._

 _'That colleges are outrageously expensive…that the loss of a second income is a huge hit, that you could command more in the private sector than the job could ever pay you,' Jamie explained._

 _'All this is very nice,' Danny paused after some brief family praise, 'but all this flattery isn't going to shrink any of my bills.'_

"What'd you tell him?" Frank asked Danny as Danny entered the quiet living room of his father's home later that same night after their regular Sunday family dinner.

"I said…no," Danny replied with a small huff as he looked at his father with a heavy frown. "I'd miss the action too much," he added under his breath as Frank's lips twisted upward for a few seconds and then drooped back down.

"Danny…"

"I just wish they hadn't said anything. Gotta handle this on my own."

"You are…you will but you have family and family helps out no matter what."

"You helped Erin get through Columbia but Jamie…he wanted to do it on his own and…now…now it just seems like I'm cheating by asking. If he could do it then…"

"Jamie also lived at home for the first few years and had very few expenses. You have a lot more responsibility than he did at the time he applied for his student loan."

"Just never prepared for this," Danny signed as he rubbed his face and then looked at his father with a small head shake. "I know the boys put on brave faces but they want the best….course they do."

"The great thing about his family is how grounded in reality we are. Jack proved that tonight with his Ferrari comment."

"Yeah he got that from Linda," Danny smirked.

"He's also part you," Frank reminded him. "Pop never raised me with a silver spoon in my mouth and you haven't raised those boys that way either because your mother and I never raised you that way. They don't have high demands and are quite humble in what they want."

"But I want the best for them."

"Course you do and in the end…the choice is yours but I think you made the right one…for what it's worth."

"Worth a lot," Danny replied softly as he leaned back in his chair and then looked at his father with a small nod.

"Boys are proud of you Danny…we all are. They want the best for you and them but they want to be proud of it along the way. And…family comes first…that's what matters most."

"I know but uh…I might have to pass that hat around."

"Pop suggested it for a reason," Frank told Danny in no uncertain terms as Danny offered a serious gaze. "And yes…you'd miss the action."

XXXXXXXX

"You're in a better mood this morning," Baez commented as Danny neared his desk with a smile and handed her a cup of coffee. "And…you come bearing gifts."

"I slept a bit better last night," he replied with a smile. "And…I made a call."

"Yeah?" She asked with some hesitation.

"Yeah."

"And?"

"I'd miss the action," he winked as her smile grew. "See…I do listen to _a few_ things you say."

"A few?" She retorted as her brows arched and he gently chuckled. "Well for what it's worth I'm glad you're staying here."

"You are?" He lightly teased her.

"I actually am," she replied point blank.

"Yeah….me too."

* * *

 **A/N:** Okay so that last scene with the boys was the last sort of angsty Danny family moment with some added discussion at the family dinner and hope you all liked it. EEEEE next week is the season finale so we'll see how it plays out and how I can end this little series for Danny. Please do review before you go and thanks so much!


	16. Looking into the Future

**Title: Moving On?**  
 **Chapter 16 – Looking into the Future**

* * *

His mood had been lifted since he had made his decision about not to accept the lucrative offer and stay where he was. His partner's mood was better and his boys were definitely more settled. And he'd have to admit that that he was more settled now also.

But as he sat at his desk and looked at the small calendar he looked at the date and felt his heart rate starting to rise. Late spring. The anniversary of the death of his wife loomed and the longer he stared at the date, the faster his heart rate started to elevate.

"Hey…"

Danny looked up as Maria's hand rested on his shoulder and offered her a tender smile. "Hey…just…"

"You never have to explain when it comes to her. I get it. I know what time of the year…of the month it is. I know what tomorrow is."

"Told myself I'll be okay but uh…damn a year," Danny gently lamented as he watched his partner walk around in front of him and sat down on the edge of his desk a few feet away. "Can't believe it's been a year. Sometimes…sometimes I feel like I didn't do enough or should have done more or…I don't know."

"Think you've done a pretty good job considering. Think Linda would be proud."

"Yeah…" he agreed as he looked up with a tense smile. "So…think we can swing by the cemetery start of shift? I uh…I gotta do it the day of you know?"

"Course we can."

"Great. Okay so…whadda we have?" Danny inquired as he looked back down at the file and then up at his partner's back. "Maria…"

"Yeah?" She asked as she turned to him in wonder.

"Thank you…just for being here for the past year. I know you're here but uh…you know what I mean."

"Let you in on a little secret," she stated with a whisper as she leaned in closer. "I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."

His mind took comfort in her words, her nearness and a comfort that he wasn't able to put into words without taking himself to another emotional level that he wasn't sure either were ready for.

"Just don't put too much pressure on yourself okay? Linda would be proud of how far you've come and how great the boys are doing," Maria told him as her hand lingered on his shoulder before she gave it a squeeze and then walked around to her desk and sat down opposite him. "You gonna be okay tonight?"

"Yeah. The boys and I are going to have Linda's favorite pizza and just hang at home," Danny agreed with a small smile before the phone rang and it was time to get their day started. But for him on the eve of the anniversary of his wife's death he was amazed he was able to get through the day somewhat emotionally intact.

"Danny, come in."

"Thanks doc," Danny stated with a tight lipped smile as he entered the psychiatrist's office after shift that same night. "Tired…" he huffed as he slumped down into the chair and looked at the man before him with a pinched expression.

"Just breathe okay…take a few deep breaths and try to relax."

"You know what tonight is, right doc?"

"Is that rhetorical?" Dr. Simpson shot back with a small smile.

"Yeah…" Danny sighed as he rubbed his face. "I keep thinking…why did I take that call…why did I work overtime…why did I take that shift…why…why…why!" He concluded with a small hiss. "Sorry…"

"Why are you sorry? You need to get this out. This anger…resentment…guilt…your emotions are totally normal for the eve of the first anniversary. Holding it in would be harmful to your emotional self. You know you can always let anything out that you need to."

"I know I just…the boys are doing better than I thought. Maria has been terrific…my family…with me every step of the way. But it just feels…something is wrong."

"What's wrong?"

"It's just…I don't know," Danny admitted with a small headshake. "I uh…doing it all on my own has been tough but it's only been a year so…"

"Ah so you are wondering if it's time to let go of a romantic attachment and possibly think about moving on…maybe testing the dating waters again?"

"No…I uh…damn…" Danny stammered as he felt his jaw tighten and his instinct was to get up and storm out. "Linda wouldn't want…" he stopped as Dr. Simpson's brows arched. "Is that wrong?"

"Your feelings aren't wrong but at the same time, you have to do what's best for _you_ now. Linda will never leave your heart or mind but you can't let the what if's hold you back from moving on with your life…if that's what you _want_ to do."

"I just don't know…I mean…I just wish I knew what to feel."

"Why are you forcing things? Remember…"

"Yeah…day at a time…got it doc but…but maybe I'm just feeling anxious because of what tonight is."

"That's a big part of it. Are you going to see Linda tomorrow?"

"I am. Just wanna tell her a few things and then…doc sometimes it's just me at home at night and I'm not used to that feeling and…and sometimes I just wanna pick up the phone and…"

"Call someone?" Dr. Simpson as Danny nodded in agreement. "And then you feel those pangs of guilt and you hang up or don't even call and then you feel guilty over that?"

"Hit the nail on the head doc," Danny replied somberly. "I sit there and stare at the phone and then go to bed angry but come on doc…it's only been a year…I mean what the hell…"

"Remember Danny everyone grieves in their own time and in their own way. You can't rush anything or compare yourself or beat yourself up for not being at a milestone that you think you should be at because others think you should be at it."

"Just figure that I should be…in a different place."

"We always think that when we are in the grieving stages. I think you're doing pretty good doing it all on your own. You've told me about the money problems and not thinking you're supporting the boys enough and yet you have managed to figure out a better budget and when I meet with the boys each month I can tell that they are getting more emotionally stronger."

"So it's me?"

"And that…is normal," Dr. Simpson reminded Danny in a warm tone. "If you are feeling like you want to move on in your life then that is your choice and your business and there is nothing to feel guilty over. If it was a week after Linda's passing I might question your timing and motives but even then…it would still be your decision to live with and no one has the right to tell you otherwise because only you will live with your own personal choices and consequences."

Danny looked at Dr. Simpson and leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees and let his head hang for a few seconds before he looked up and nodded and sighed. "Just wish I had some easy answers."

"That's normal but don't beat yourself up for not having them right now…they'll come. Tonight just reflect on the happy times with the boys. Will they be home tonight?"

"They will. We talked about it and made sure that we could do this. Gonna pick them up and we're gonna go for a late dinner and then just…hang."

"Be sure to talk to the boys and tell them to open up and tell you…tell each other what you're feeling. Just open up and keep it honest and loving. But I'm glad that you've made plans to spend tonight together. That's important to all of you. Danny I think you're doing a great job and just keep taking it one day at a time and the rest will come together when it's ready."

"Thanks doc…" Danny said with a small smile as they talked a bit longer before he left the office and went to pick up his boys.

XXXXXXXX

"Hey dad…"

"Hey dad…"

"Guys…alright…who's hungry?"

"Me!" Both answered at once. He offered them a tight lipped smile as he drove to their favorite pizza place but inside his stomach was twisted in knots. But he told himself that he had to push that aside as he'd deal with his own personal feelings with regard to his wife and focus on his boys right now. The next morning he'd go with his partner to his late wife's gravestone and the next day would be the weekend and a time to relax and reflect. It would be the one year anniversary of family dinner after Linda's death and that would be extra tough.

"Alright…what are we gonna have?" Danny inquired as the boys looked at each other and then at their father. "Wh…at?"

"How about the pizza we had with mom?"

"You know…kind of a special tribute?"

Danny felt a small lump of emotion form in his throat and he could just nod and agree as his eyes started to water. "Think…she'd like that," he managed as his voice broke and he offered the boys as big a smile as his emotions could muster.

Their dinner was somewhat bittersweet but despite the emotional cloud that hung over them, the three of them did their best to keep their stories upbeat and happy; they'd save the more somber memories for when they were at home and in private.

"You know what mom would like?" Sean asked as the three of them sat on the couch about a half hour after they had gotten home from dinner.

"What?" Danny inquired.

"Game night," he stated with a wide grin.

"It's too late," Jack groaned as he looked at his father in wonder.

"How about a simple game?"

"Go Fish?" Jack drawled as Danny and Sean couldn't help but laugh. And it was just the suggestion that was needed as it gave the three of them the nudge they needed to open up about previous game nights and that too paved the way for some more emotional bonding.

But that night it was a different story for Danny who lay awake all night as he tossed and turned and struggled with emotions that ranged from regret to rage to emotional defeat. And the next morning he awoke with a weary sigh but told himself…more like reminded himself of what Dr. Simpson said – it would be normal and not to think what he was feeling was wrong but to embrace it and just get through the day one moment at a time.

XXXXXXXX

"Thanks for coming with me," Danny told his partner, Maria Baez as they headed toward the cemetery. The day fit his mood – gloomy and grey with a touch of winter's bitterness around the edges – something that embraced him in its chilly grasp and refused to let go.

As they neared the cemetery his heart rate started to gain momentum and his partner was quick to notice.

"Want me to drive?" Maria mentioned as he hand gently touched his as his remained tightly woven around the steering wheel.

"No…no I'm fine," Danny replied as his hand stared to loosen. "I just…just need to get through this. I've been here before but uh…one year…seems like a milestone but…" his voice died out as his brow furrowed heavily and he exhaled heavily. "Don't know if that makes any sense."

"Yes," she assured softly as he gave her a tender smile. "Linda would want you to be happy and that's what you need to remember."

"I know…" Danny whispered as he brought the police issue sedan to a stop and looked out into the wintry morning and felt his stomach tighten into fierce knots. "I won't…be too long."

"Take as long as you _need_."

Danny looked at his partner and offered her another tender smile before he spoke. "Thank you…seriously. I wouldn't have survived this year if it wasn't for you."

Her hand gave his another comforting squeeze as he slowly got out of the car and walked toward his wife's tombstone. With each step he took, his heart rate soared a bit higher and he wondered how he'd even be able to survive the rest of the day. Looking into the future right now was scary but Dr. Simpson assured him his feelings were normal and that he would survive.

"Hey babe…" Danny started in a soft tone as he stood stoically before the silent gravesite; his warm breath making trails in the cold air as snow lightly fell around him. His eyes kept fixed on her name, occasionally darting between her name and the date of her death; his words sometimes rushed; sometimes stumbled.

"One year…I uh…can't believe it. Boys will be by later…after school…Sean has…"

Maria watched her partner from the side of the car and felt her heart sink each time his strong shoulders seemed to slump downward. Her heart ached to take his pain away but at the same time she knew that he had to pass these emotional milestones on his own; outside help might later be resented or misconstrued. And she didn't want either. She cared for him. More than just partners…and possibly more than friends. But right she'd shelve those emotions as it wasn't the time and certainly not the place to let anything surface that was more than platonic. That would come.

"The hardest is…is being alone and doing everything alone. Just uh…not used to it yet. I don't lack for help…or partners…Baez has been a godsend….the boys are growing into the role and my family…they always have my back. We're Reagan's…that's how it works," Danny gently paused as his words got a bit heavier on his lips.

"Keep trying to remind myself I'm rich in partners but uh…you're the only one that matters," Danny stated in a somber tone as the cool flakes continued to fall around him. "Puttin' on a real brave face out here but uh…between me and you…having a really hard time. Miss you."

She hated to disturb him but as the second call came through, she knew she couldn't wait any longer. Maria slowly pushed herself out of the car, back into the snowy air and looked at her partner in the near distance and felt her heart sink once more. _He told you to remind him if it was urgent…_ her brain told her as she took a deep breath before she said…"Danny…it's time."

"Right…coming," he gently called out as he knelt down in front of his wife's tombstone, kissed his fingers and then pressed them against the cold granite and stood back up with a small smile. "See you soon," he offered as he turned and slowly headed back to the car; his partner greeted him with a remorseful expression.

"Danny…"

"Urgent call right?"

"Yeah but…"

"No I just had to stop by and…and it was good," Danny stated softly as he slowly got into the car and then looked back at the desolate landscape – the cold greys and blacks against the stark white of the wintry morning. "Thanks for stopping."

"You never have to ask," she mentioned as he paused before starting up the car to leave. "Danny?" She broke the silence a few seconds later.

"I…I just want to say thank you again…I know I said it before but…saying it today just seems to mean a bit more to me. Sorry if that sounds stupid."

"Not stupid and you're welcome," she replied warmly as he held her gaze a few seconds longer.

"I think Linda would be happy that you've helped out so much."

"I'm glad to hear that. Whenever you need me…you just need to ask," she reminded him warmly.

"Okay so…on that note I was wondering…if you'd like to come to family dinner with us on Sunday?"

She heard the question but wasn't sure until she looked at his expression and then watched him nod in confirmation. "I…would but as your partner?"

"No…as my friend," he told her warmly.

"I'll be there."

"Okay…good," he smiled broadly; his mind and heart settled instantly.

He knew his family would be surprised but after all she had done for him and his boys over the past year, they wouldn't be that surprised. _Friend?_ She was his friend and that was cemented in his heart. _More than friends…?_ There were feelings there inside that now continued to grow. A year had passed and while Dr. Simpson reminded him that there was no specific timeframe or limitation and for the first time…in a year, he didn't have any guilt or hesitation about his heartfelt invitation. He wanted her there. As a friend. A close friend…one that he knew he couldn't live without.

After that? That was still to be written but at least this was the first step in a very positive direction.

 **THE END?**

* * *

 **A/N:** So I know they said it was a year after Linda's death but not sure they get snow in NY in May? I'm not in NY so not sure but I just went with what the writers did and hope it's okay. I wanted this series to keep pace with this season so am ending this one here to keep it mostly canon – I say mostly b/c I wanted Baez there at family dinner not Eddie (sorry but not that sorry!) so just wanted to add my own touch on this part. I hope I did Danny's journey into singlehood a bit of justice and would love your thoughts before you go.

 **ALSO** going into the busy summer months we can only do one story justice so am loving the Danny/Maria SL but am also liking the other in becoming blue and I also have my Wilder sequel (b/c that will have Danny/Maria in it) planned or whatever the muse pulls up lol so please do let me know before you go in your final review and **THANKS SO MUCH‼** and to those without accounts who regularly reviewed your time to read and review has been soooo appreciated‼ hope I can keep all my dear Danny fans entertained throughout the summer!


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